"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.

She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I said to my wife β€œI hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tight”

She said β€œthen wear your own one then”

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...

"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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I am going to start Web site that is dedicated to revealing secret recipes that contain vegetables that are in the same family as onion and garlic and are especially good with potatoes.

It will be called wikileeks.com

πŸ‘︎ 270
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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During a conversation revealing a family friend had cancer...

While waiting for a table at a restaurant, we were discussing if my girlfriend's mom would cut off her hair when the friend lost hers. Suddenly her dad asks, "What kind of candy cow doesn't produce milk anymore?" We all stare blankly until he continued "Milk duds." After a moment of silence his wife suggests we get a drink from the bar while we wait.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfDylan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
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So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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The biggest gender reveal was in Japan...

They had a little boy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.

Bernie.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefan715
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
finally got the logic
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leaper29th
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So I heard these gender reveal parties are...

real hot right now.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnyRocks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If I see another gender reveal bomb meme...

Boy, I’m gonna blow up

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swim_and_drive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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My male child recently revealed that he's attracted to both men and women

He's my bi son.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CocoBandicoot99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My brother and his wife won’t speak to me following their gender reveal party.

Apparently it refers to the baby.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mzahit29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
If you hear something, say something

I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.

This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.

Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.

So I said to the French girl, Β«quelque choseΒ». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"

I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.

A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. Β«quelque choseΒ» is the French phrase for "something".

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mermaldad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun.

Surgeons revealed he is now 'fully recovered'.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I went to a gender reveal party the other day

It was great, but I can’t work out why I was the only naked person there.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Neighbours outside just had a reveal party. From all the hooting and hollering after the balloon pop...

I can report that they are having an owl

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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It has been revealed that Germany has the lowest rate of Coronavirus in the world

It's because they wash their Hans

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drezyb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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The truth has been revealed
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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I told my pirate friend with a patch to watch for a letter I sent him that reveals the site of the gold...

He said, I'll keep an eye out for it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlySupaFly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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3 unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. 3.
πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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This must be the soupervisor
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
So while at the dr recently, he told me an ultrasound revealed I have a fatty liver

I looked him dead in the eyes and said look at me, I weigh 360 lbs I have a fatty everything.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johndeerdrew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Me after my dad made a bad joke: Dad, that joke doesnt even work.

Dad: Thats because it was an unemployed dad joke.

He then revealed he got fired from his job.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emrakull
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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I was shocked to see the reveal that Kylo Ren was not an only child...

...he was a Solo Child.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKoke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman in a bikini reveals approx. 96% of her body

But I'm polite, I only look at the covered parts

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A pregnant fish is having a gender reveal party...

It’s a KOI!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_fuge
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why they banned those red coloring dental tablets that revealed where you hadn’t brushed your teeth properly?

Because every time your dentist gave them to you she dyed a little inside!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarynxm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the author who was revealed to be a fraud after he died?

His life had its prose and cons

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Hosted a gender reveal for my pal, it was a cookout after a couple hours they asked when are you going to tell us the gender?

What do you mean? It’s a grill.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WisemenGaming
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
OMG, I can't believe Trump wanted Turkey to reveal it's tactics for capturing eight-legged, two-tentacled sea creatures!!!

He tried to do it squid pro quo.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Latest figures reveal that there are 28 million sheep in New Zealand. When approached for comment, Statistics New Zealand said:

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadeToDisagree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If you were to reveal your self as a furry, does it mean you came out the claw-set
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marc_20_21_02
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought the pattern on my coffee mug was defective...
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honeyvcombs99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why am I the only person naked at this gender reveal party?
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why am I the only one naked?

They said it was a gender reveal party?

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebellac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”


Edit (10/22/2014): Probably won't be seen or noticed by anyone, but my baby niece was just born today! She's on the opposite side of the country, but I can't wait to meet her!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
🚨︎ report

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