I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now it has no friends.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluetwo12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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I couldn't find any name brand mosquito repellent at the store today.

They only had the Off brand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnchantedLuna
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...

I guess he would have to start from scratch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Jack Black made a new insect repellent

He's calling it Tenacious DEET.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luonnon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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Wife just asked "Do we have any antique wax?" "Don't you mean duck repellent?", I said. "Ha... ha... ha." she said.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartiniPlusOlive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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My girlfriends father, the king of the dad joke/pun, walks past a can of tick repellent..

Glances at his watch, taps it, keeps walking and says "Still ticking. What a scam"

On a daily/hourly basis he reels them off. It's amazing. He also photoshops pictures (using Microsoft Paint, because he likes the challenge) of himself into various ridiculous and punny situations that might be the most comically genius things I've ever seen. If you're interested I'll find some for you guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmqv
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2016
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So I bought a large mammal repellant spray recently, and I absolutely cannot stand the smell!

It's unbearable!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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What do you call an ant that likes repelling

A repellant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mohawkman12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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The prisoner said snooty things as he repelled down the wall to escape

Very condescending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Theft repellant 2.0 (X-post r/funny)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The4horsemen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
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If i swallow a magnet will i become attractive?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insertnameplspls
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Ants

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's a girl ant. If it floats it's boy ant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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How to keep elephants away

A man is sprinkling a powder all over the streets, when a policeman walks up to him and asks what on earth he is doing. The man replies saying keeping the elephants away of course! It's elephant repellent!

The officer replies, don't be absurd, there are no elephants here. The man replies saying then it must be working!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notsoawkward
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2016
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Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he’ll never have friends!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Namdnas78
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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The biggest name brand in mosquito repellent...

Is still an OFF brand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdEE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
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