I shoplifted a sewing machine yesterday but I’m really regretting it.

It just doesn’t seam right.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gear99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My rich friend hired a one-armed butler, and is now regretting it.

Serves him right.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I regret nothing
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MissMatriarch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife, if there's anything she regrets in our marriage. Do you know what she said?

I do.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutteri100
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the robber regret stealing my oatmeal?

He got migraines

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Greek God of regret ?

Apollogies.

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes

But that’s Heinz sight

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I regret going vegan

It was a big missed steak

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the Italian say when he was asked what is the thing that he regretted about?

"About my past-uh"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Es_presso
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I have my regrets about today...

Even the cake is in tiers!

πŸ‘︎ 445
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elirox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..

It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I regret nothing :p
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tooladrake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home.

She just grunted. I think she regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 264
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why should you never be in a relationship with a tree?

You'll regret it in autumn when it leaves

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_ordje
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Decided to help my friend restring his guitar, I have no regrets
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dakuejji
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
If you regret your vote in 2016, don't worry about it

Hindsight is 2020

πŸ‘︎ 196
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I instantly regretted getting my hair cut short.

But I'll admit, it's starting to grow on me.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When you ask google assistant for a pun and you instantly regret it
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shrimpydoodaa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret not staying up last night for New Years

But you know what they say hindsight is 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/colemacgrath2009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb...

Into what ?

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My Son asked me if I had any regrets over the really expensive neck brace I bought...

Can honestly say I've never looked back

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/carlitos_segway
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I regret every decision I’ve made that’s led to this moment.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicken_mcjesus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret getting that new vacuum cleaner,

It sucks a lot!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRapist729
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother regrets many things in life but mostly he regrets not ever having a wild time before settling down and having kids.

Me? I have no rugrats.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do secret agents get the best sleep...

Because they’re always undercover.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCraay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Was on a date, made the joke, no regrets

We were walking down the street and I saw the upcoming intersection was "Fairwell Ave."

When we reached the crosswalk, I said I should head home, and then followed up with, "I guess this is farewell."

Eyes rolled but it was worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2016
🚨︎ report
I have some deep-seated regret for covering my organs in gold.

I have internalized gilt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastGhost18
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺI regret quitting my job at the factory that made night wear for felines. I thought I was allergic to to some of the material we were working with. ‬ β€ͺ

But it turns out it wasn’t the cat’s pyjamas

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss accused me of stealing, and fired me from my job at the furniture store. But I regret nothing.

Sometimes you have to take a stand.

πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I might regret introducing my father to Reddit

A few days ago, my dad (who is a recent Reddit convert) and I were watching "American Hustle" and in the middle of the movie, Christian Bale's character opens up a safe at one of his dry cleaning businesses.

Dad taps me on the shoulder, leans over and says:

"OP Delivered"

He immediately began cackling as I groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/msassafras
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
🚨︎ report
Goats don't instinctively know, and have to find out for themselves, that if you sleep with a jackass, mule regret it.
πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pnewell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2017
🚨︎ report
It is with deepest regret that I have to inform you all, my poultry dating site will be closing down,

as I can no longer make hens meet!

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I regret not getting the 20 oz porterhouse at the restaurant

It was a big missed steak

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LurkerPatrol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret nothing
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adam-P-D
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I doodled at school. I regret nothing.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoYellow5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When you regret ordering salmon over a New York strip

That's a... Missed steak

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadtoenail69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a really ugly painting in the museum

turns out, it was a mirror.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aNotSoShortName
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: I'm much better at making Mac and cheese, and you know why that is?

Wife: I'm going to regret this. Why?

Me: I'm cheesier than you.

Wife: ...

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameronomist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the former doctor regret becoming a prosecutor?

His new job was trying his patients.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanOfAllTrades80
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy quit his job as an air traffic controller to become a monk, and now regrets it.

It’s like he got out of flying plans and into the friar.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I regret rubbing eyes with ketchup

But that’s Heinz sight

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abowlofspicyramen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Greek God of regret?

Apollogies.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuvSingh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes.

But that's Heinz sight for you.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoneMoreHip
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I regret wiping my eyes with ketchup on my hands.

But that's Heinz sight for ya.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I really regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes last night...

that's Heinz sight for you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashAndCAD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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