My wife rang me at the pub and said, β€œIf you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.

I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/takuache_beaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Open range
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
All my jokes seem to lack in range.

I only tell shotpuns.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/candiedloveapple
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Mountain ranges aren't just funny...

They are hill areas.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew this guy who hated all high-range instruments.

He was a huge bassist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to an exotic petting zoo with Boy George. He wasn't at all impressed with their limited range of animals.

He started pointing them out to me.

"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."

++++++++++++++++++

I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.

I like it. I'm proud of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the non-binary prospector say when they saw the mountain range?

I bet there’s gold in them/their hills.

(Shamelessly stolen from danimidwest on tiktok)

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I installed a new range hood for an oven

Wife: You need to knock out the vent hole.

Me: I think due to the pandemic, we should wait.

Wife: Why?

Me: The country is low on vent hole laters.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8Heists
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.

Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greg_zielinski
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Tag-und Nacht
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roof-Patient
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Bonnie Tyler's new range of biscuits have received good reviews

They're good dunkers, but every now and then they fall apart

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elbobby89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PbyFortress
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.

I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lethalmouse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you dry a mountain range?

On a cliffhanger!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The cashier chuckled when he rang up my total.

I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Duck_in_a_Toaster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a T-Rex not good at long range shooting?

He only has small arms

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I can never choose what I want; they have such a rye range of bread!
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Who makes the best musical range cookers?

Aga do.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Vermeer was eerie, Vermeer was strange, he had his own color range imgur.com/gallery/NG4f9NU
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the technician sing to the broken computer?

Trouble-soothing.

My son loves this one with online learning. I only had to explain to him what troubleshooting was 4 times!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeCandi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A group of German geologists recently made an interesting discovery within a mountain range of northern Italy

The team unearthed a layer of rock tessellations resembling a violin as viewed from behind.

As of yet they have no name for this strata variance.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raidenisme
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhena_lahrie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I rang the council to see if I could have a skip outside my house

They said "You can do cartwheels and star jumps for all care!" And put the phone down

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What was a cowboy's favorite snack on the range? /r/Jokes/comments/gj3yjp/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patchy72
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a British guy when he has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?

PunGent

Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Far Cough

Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And that’s how the fight started

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyWooden
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I rang a miner but he was busy...

He said: can I coal you back?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife about a ballerina in a picture who looked familiar. She said it was Anna Pavlova.

I said I thought her face rang a bell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do snipers double as excellent actors?

They’re great at range

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do T rexes not make great long range snipers?

They are only good with small arms.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What's funnier mountain ranges or forest? /r/Jokes/comments/f26a8s/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaio-renwar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
After a lengthy search, I finally found an apartment in my price range where I can have my corgi and my pitbull.

Thank god theres still a-corgi-bull housing out there

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the electric range crying?

It didn't have a grill friend.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bolacola
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and SchrΓΆdinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Guy single-handedly saving a stuck range rover
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inDgenious
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The most successful business I ever had was selling free-range birds

My merchandise was flying off the shelves!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wondering-knight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A herd of wildebeests was ranging across Africa, destroying huts and missionaries...

When they were all killed, the newspaper headline read, "No gnus is good news!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Got myself stranded today so I rang my wife. She called me an idiot but it’s been 45 minutes and they still haven’t turned up.
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I got invited to the shooting range the other day.

I had to decline. Sadly, I don’t have the caliber to go.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kailebeverettart
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 344
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Mountain ranges aren't just funny..

..they are hill areas!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Mountain ranges aren't just funny

They're hill areas

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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