My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 minutes.
I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
All my jokes seem to lack in range.
Mountain ranges aren't just funny...
I once knew this guy who hated all high-range instruments.
I went to an exotic petting zoo with Boy George. He wasn't at all impressed with their limited range of animals.
He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
What did the non-binary prospector say when they saw the mountain range?
I bet there’s gold in them/their hills.
(Shamelessly stolen from danimidwest on tiktok)
I installed a new range hood for an oven
Wife: You need to knock out the vent hole.
Me: I think due to the pandemic, we should wait.
Wife: Why?
Me: The country is low on vent hole laters.
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
Bonnie Tyler's new range of biscuits have received good reviews
They're good dunkers, but every now and then they fall apart
These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
How can you dry a mountain range?
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
The cashier chuckled when he rang up my total.
I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.
Why is a T-Rex not good at long range shooting?
I can never choose what I want; they have such a rye range of bread!
Who makes the best musical range cookers?
Why did the technician sing to the broken computer?
Trouble-soothing.
My son loves this one with online learning. I only had to explain to him what troubleshooting was 4 times!
A group of German geologists recently made an interesting discovery within a mountain range of northern Italy
The team unearthed a layer of rock tessellations resembling a violin as viewed from behind.
As of yet they have no name for this strata variance.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I rang the council to see if I could have a skip outside my house
They said "You can do cartwheels and star jumps for all care!" And put the phone down
What do you call a British guy when he has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent
Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.
Far Cough
Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And that’s how the fight started
I rang a miner but he was busy...
He said: can I coal you back?
I asked my wife about a ballerina in a picture who looked familiar. She said it was Anna Pavlova.
I said I thought her face rang a bell.
Why do snipers double as excellent actors?
Why do T rexes not make great long range snipers?
They are only good with small arms.
After a lengthy search, I finally found an apartment in my price range where I can have my corgi and my pitbull.
Thank god theres still a-corgi-bull housing out there
Why was the electric range crying?
It didn't have a grill friend.
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat.
She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not.
Guy single-handedly saving a stuck range rover
The most successful business I ever had was selling free-range birds
My merchandise was flying off the shelves!
A herd of wildebeests was ranging across Africa, destroying huts and missionaries...
When they were all killed, the newspaper headline read, "No gnus is good news!"
Got myself stranded today so I rang my wife. She called me an idiot but it’s been 45 minutes and they still haven’t turned up.
I got invited to the shooting range the other day.
I had to decline. Sadly, I don’t have the caliber to go.
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
Mountain ranges aren't just funny..
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
Mountain ranges aren't just funny
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