Quizzes Puns

What are tests ?

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

When he got to old man Johnson’s house the old man said “My yard doesn’t need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. I’ll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown I’ll throw in a 50 dollar bonus”.

With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got to work.

Less than an hour later little Johnny knocked on old man Johnson’s door to collect his hundred dollars.

“All finished, that’ll be one hundred dollars”!

Noticing there wasn’t a single drop of paint on the porch the old man started quizzing little Johnnys integrity.

“Now little Johnny, are you absolutely positively one hundred percent sure you finished painting my porch”?

“I sure am! Oh and by the way that’s not a porch, it’s a Ferrari”!

If adults commit adultery, do infants commit infantry?

Dad: Sorry, I just want you guys to know how the world works.

Brother: But you don’t have to give us random quizzes at dinner!

Me: Yeah , no more POP quizzes

My mom is taking one of those online spelling quizzes and her mind just totally went blank with the word accommodate. When she usually asks for spellings she says the spelling she thinks and then says the word, so she says this to my dad and he says

"accommodate? I don't date commas."

My Dad and I were getting dinner ready when I quizzed him on how he seasoned the chicken and gravy mixture he was fawning over.

"Uh I haven't put anything in but the chicken, and the gravy."

"Were you going to season it?"

"Wasn't planning on it." he finished, apparently done with the conversation as his full attention was now on whatever football game was on. I decided if he wasn't going to take the initiative and make our food taste like something other than bland than I would.

"Here Dad put in some garlic," I said as i started grabbing spices from the cabinet.

"Some basil, salt, pepper, thyme... " I didn't see any thyme in here which was too bad because it would be just the thing for this.

"Hey DAD do we have any thyme left?" I asked him a little louder than I had been talking before.

"Time for what?" he asked, finally breaking his attention from the flat screen, a severely confused and almost worrried look cemented on his brow. And then, as quick as a camera lens closing to capture a shot, he winked.

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TL;DR I'm pretty sure you have enough thyme to read it.

I was describing one of those what ... are you quizzes. In this case it was how left wing are you.

"I got Karl Marx" I said.

"Oh really, I got full marx" said my dad

...and I was quizzing her before her social studies test. "What was the major language group spoken in our region?" "Siouan." "They must've been great lawyers." "What?" "They're Siouan that guy; they're Siouan this guy..." "groan" Mission accomplished! :D