Queen Size Puns

An heir mattress.

you would have more bed room but less bedroom

Me: "Of course it will get bigger"

Her: "Oh, why do you think that?"

Me: "Because, your body will upgrade from a queen size womb to a king size womb"

My kids wanted to camp in the back yard. My wife set the tent up while I was at work and expected me to sleep outside with them. I had to work the next morning. My wife was going to camp with them instead.

For reference, I call my daughter my princess and me and my wife have a queen size bed.

Daughter:(trying to talk me into camping with them)If you don't sleep outside you won't get to snuggle with your princess! Me: it's ok, I'll have a queen all to myself. Wife:groan

Watching an advertisement for sheets and they were listing sizes.

Fiancee: what's the difference between a queen and full queen?

Me: Dinner

it's because it's only a QUEEN sized bed. we can't all fit!