A pirate wanted to celebrate his captainโ€™s birthday, so he bought a large quantity of balloons while ashore. Back on the ship, he walked over to hand the balloons to the captain, but he tripped and most of them floated away. The captain said, โ€œArrr! That was a costly mistake...โ€

โ€œWe lost a lot of doubloons.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Unfussed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Thereโ€™s a saying in math that goes, โ€œItโ€™s as easy as solving a collection of symbols that jointly express a quantity.โ€

I though it was an odd expression

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/schutwo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If you die of obstipation what quantity of your body weight consists of excrement?

One turd

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/boetzie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If you were carrying a large quantity of bins...

... would that make you bin laden?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rosskillington
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If you are ever at risk of hypothermia, DO NOT count anything in small quantities...

or else you'll get a little number.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 426
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fortbuild
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A farmer was arrested and soon after a large quantity of hay was FedExed to the police station. When they asked the farmer if he had anything to do with it he said...

"Yeah I asked my son to post my bale."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 54
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Onegodoneloveoneway
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
He enjoyed his new job as a flight attendant on a Transgalactic Express ship. He enjoyed the variety of species & sentients he got to meet. Except for the Plort, who ate large quantities of raw dead flesh.

They always made him put their carrion overhead.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/johnabbe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You would think more people would see this deal.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cgrulke
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think itโ€™s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine thereโ€™s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just โ€œlending the team a handโ€ by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fanโ€™s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was โ€œhit by pitchโ€?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ballโ€™s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? Thereโ€™d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesnโ€™t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcherโ€™s dinner?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grumpy_princess
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.

Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!

Ming, aware of his brotherโ€™s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and brewed BARRELS of the tea, and poured them into the chicken for the two months. At the end of the time, the poor chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.

Moral: All of Hingโ€™s courses, and all of Mingโ€™s kin; couldnโ€™t make gum tea re-feather a hen!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Maimonides_vii
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Mechanics Professor...

Every time he'd mention "moment of inertia", he'd say "it is an additive quantityโ€”not addictive". He's said it well over twenty times but we somehow still laugh.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sacredcows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.