Well he putted fun is funeral....
[Request] Help thinking of puns for my SO's gift!
So I bought an iPhone 7 case for my girlfriend and we often put puns on our gifts to each other. It's a clear case with a flower print on it. Any help thinking of puns greatly appreciated!
Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.
Now they can Scandinavian!
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind it’s a sea-crate....
(I made this up please don’t murder me)
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
Everytime I put my car in reverse
I think, huh, this takes me back
My imterviewer asked me why I put A, C, D, E, I, M, N, O, R, and T on my application.
I told him they were the letters of recommendation.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I'd put the mask on before I left for work this morning......
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...
She said “what are you doing? What is that noise?”
I said “I’ve been screwing around behind your back.”
She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.
I found it way more entertaining then she did.
I was going to put a joke on here about carpentry.
But i didn't think it wood work.
What do you get when you put a bodybuilder in a sauna?... Steamed mussels!
When typing a word-play joke, I never put extra spaces on the left.
I’ve just been reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!
What do call it when you put two slices of bread around your foot?
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?
What does a superhero put in their scotch?
I heard if you try to put a gun in your mouth and shot, it's not necessarily to make you die
This fact is just mind-blowing.
You know where I should put those sea shells I found at the beach?
My mum was putting away a container of raspberries and remarked that is was leaking
I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"
What do you get when you put mascarpone in a sneaker?
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
The project to restore Big Ben was a bit behind schedule, so the construction company put on a third shift...
Men are now working around the clock.
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
If my name was Travis, I would get a tee shirt and put my name across the chest.
I saw $50,000 mysteriously put into my bank account
I want no trouble, so I decided to leave it where I found it
What happens when you put a cowboy hat on an Audi?
I shouldn't have put those wooden shoes in sink.
After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.
What did john put on his pasta?
I used to organize my change by putting each coin into their respective cage, but someone stole all the nickles!
Now I have a nickleless cage...
Why did the farmer keep putting spools of thread into the gas tank of his tractor?
Someone told him it was a sowing machine.
I made a cabbage, carrot and corn stir-fry tonight! The recipe called for tilipia, but I put in pork. I realize now that I should have put in chicken, though...
...it's supposed to be a C-food stir-fry.
If you think about it, we all put fake excrement in our hair
What do Swedish people put in their coffee?
I don’t know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.
A news report claims terrorists have begun putting explosives inside cans of Alphabetti Soup.
If one goes off it could spell disaster.
What do champions put in their hair?
Where do pirates put the French accent mark cedilla?
I made a little bird hooouse, and put it in my garden...
...it's for the Spare O's.
What do Microsoft Excel users put in their hair?
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?
Is it okay to put up a picture of a crucifix?
Or is cross posting not allowed?
Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
I put a new shelf towards the top of my fridge
The steaks have never been higher
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
I was on my way to work this morning and I forgot how to put my seat belt on.
So today my five-year-old daughter made me proud...
She was eating watermelon, and she wanted to know how much it cost. (She's obsessed with prices lately.) I asked her how much she thought it cost, and she said, "I don't know, a melon dollars?"
A nuclear power plant put up a new sign outside that read, "Post your positive reviews of us on social media!"
They were just fission for compliments.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to put cheese on his burrito?
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Every night I put my cellphone in charging and I wake up finding it in another room.
My wife had me put her wine in a basket
It turned out to be a fiasco
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
When I joined the local Grammar Nazi Party, they gave me their logo to put on my car. It's an upside-down, lower-case "e."
You know, a schwa sticker.
Norway’s started putting barcodes on their ships...
...so they can scan da navy in.
(Not mine; saw it on Facebook)
I put out a weekly audio show about the history of fish.
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
We have a magnetic alphabet on our fridge. The other day my daughter grabbed the letter T and put it in her in milk.
She looked at me and said, “I’m having a T party.”
I chortled.
I tried to put my favourite Gorillaz song on the jukebox, but they didn't have it.
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
Eventually she came around.
My son kept chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him..
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
Don’t mind me just gonna put this here
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.
it's currently half empty
My wife was putting some food away
She said "I'm going to rinse this actually."
I said "That's a lid, not an actually."
This administration is aiming to put a woman on the moon by 2024
Hope this pun doesn't put you on hedge
How do you put the pin back in a grenade ?
What did the lawyer say when he put is suitcase to bed?
Added Never Gonna Give You Up to my Spotify playlist and put it on shuffle. I call it, "Rick Roulette"
My son is almost 3, and frantically calls me into his room when he should be sleeping. Dad! Dad! Put your finger in my ear... so I do...
"Get outta h-ear!", he says to me.
Made me so proud. Unprompted dad jokes from our little apprentices are just so great.
Later in Forrest Gump’s life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.
It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.
Sent my husband for a bandaid for my daughter’s toe. She asked what was on it as I put it on her, and I said “it looks like Olaf”, to which my husband replied...
“I think you mean Toe-laf”.
We can't decide whether to put in soft pink or baby blue flooring in the nursery
It's an infantile problem
It was fun being a spy til they put me in a windy city with only a blanket for camouflage
My cover was blown constantly
What do you get from putting a diamond in a printer?
I get so much anxiety trying to figure out what to put my arrows in…
I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
I put the "Sexy" in "Dyslexic"
My daughter put her eye patch on my girlfriend's head like a horn.
Who knew she was able to breed unicornias
What do you call it when you forget where you put the bacon?
Why did the astrophysicist put photons in a suitcase?
He was trying to pack light.
Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.
I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."
If you put your Audi in a garage...
Son: Dad, could you put my shoes on?
Me: No, I don’t think they will fit me.
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me
Where does the Lone Ranger put his garbage?
In the dump, in the dump, in the dump dump dump, in the dump in the dump in the dump dump dump...
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brother’s cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
