Why are bees so bad at public speaking?
They always bumble their words!
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
Montreal's public transit authority (STM) posted a May the 4th update to their map of the city's subway system. (Original map included for wordplay reference - obviously works best if you understand French). Someone at the STM clearly had a field day.
Where do fish get their public health information?
What’s the difference between a run-down public transportation stop and a crayfish with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
Arizona DOT let the public vote on the names of their three new snow plows. Here are the winners.
Why did the monk take off his robes in public?
Dont throw burning coal in public!
Its a little ember rising
Did you hear about the Marble Statue that got around on public transport?
What's the difference between a public restroom and the English language?
In English, Q comes after P. But in a public restroom, there's a queue before you can pee.
They've upgraded the public transport in Cairo.
The Invisible Man is a great public speaker.
What’s the difference between an old public transport stop and a lobster with abnormally large breasts?
One is a crusty bust station and the other is a busty crustacean
An old army veteran is living in the toilets at my public park
He used to be a colonel, but now he's a loo tenant.
What kind of teacher never farts in public?
I don't tell dad jokes, I live them
I've got to say I feel I have officially become at one with dad jokes.
I have 5 kids, had to take one to hospital today for blood tests. Sat in the waiting room a nurse walks out and looks at me and the wife and says "are you here for the incontinence team" my wife says no, and the nurse turns and starts to walk away, at which point the spirit of the dad jokes takes over and I shout "ooooh....I am now"
The nurse turns around and says"you are?" And my wife starts apologising for my bad humour.
This is only a week after we were at the till and the cashier asked if I'd like a bag for life, to which I responded "no thanks love, I'm not ready for that sort of commitment yet"
My wife really hates taking me out in public.
In a Marvel Universe where everyone is a slice from a round, doughy, cheesey pie, one New York style hero protects the public and fights crime with web-slinging powers. But little do they know, Spider-pie’s real name is:
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Did y’all hear about the new law that was passed in Hawaii? You can no longer laugh in public.
All that is now allowed is a low “ha”.
Archeologists have found that ancient Egyptian culture was involved in developing the public transportation model still seen globally today.
So much so that they centered their religious and cultural life around the worship of a new bus.
So a Sheep, a Drum, and a Snake fall off a cliff…
I heard that Public Enemy is challenging world leaders with apiaries to boxing matches
They've got to fight the powers that bee.
i just used a public toilet, and on a scale of 1 to 10
public toilets need to stand up for themselves..
They take crap from anybody
My sister made this shot on Facebook (in a group for finding deer antlers).
Why did Jupiter refuse to go out in public?
Because he had a Great Red Spot on his face.
How to you tell the difference between a scientist and a public worker?
Ask them to say the word unionized. (Un-ion-ized) (union-ized)
what do you call it when you spot your EX out in the public looking bad?
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local public swimming pool
So I gave him a glass of water.
I dunno what this WiFi dude did.
But I’ve seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom lately.
I bet this journalist is so proud of this one (I would be!)
Is it ever ok to piss your pants in public?
What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?
Why do ducks make horrible public speakers?
Could use some parenting advice for my son who’s going through a phase where he’s constantly touching his “peepee parts” in public. What can be done to stop it?
And are most 29-year olds like this?
Dwayne Johnson made sure to highly publicize the opening of his new Southeast Asian restaurant...
...so everyone could smell what the Wok was cooking.
This one comes courtesy of my 6 year old son: What is a pirate's favorite radio station?
Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't...
Because it was booked.
-My Pops
Son: "Dad, am I ugly?"
Dad: "for crying out loud, I told you not to call me dad in public!!
Ollie and Clarence were angry neighbors who lived across a ravine but had never met in person
They were like the Hatfields and the McCoys and shouted every day at each other for some trifling that the other had done.
One day, the local county public works department built a bridge over the ravine and Ollie decided to cross it to give Clarence a piece of his mind.
However, a few minutes later, he dashed home, boarded up the front door, grabbed his gun, and hid in the furthest corner of the house, shaking with fear. His wife, concerned, asked him what was the matter.
Ollie explained that he had gone over to tell off the neighbor but when he got to the bridge, he saw the warning sign: Clearance 13’6”
What do you call someone who never farts in public ?
What do you call a teacher who doesn’t fart in public?
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