I've never been Prouder in my entire life

Seriously, who is this Mr. or Mrs. Prouder?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0M3_N00B_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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My 9 year old just got my wife - and I couldn't be prouder

9yo: Mom, what are you listening to?

Wife: Pandora

9yo: What station?

Wife: OK Go.

9yo: OK, I'll go.

And my 9yo proceeded to walk out the door. I was so proud! Had a little tear in my eye and everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattProducer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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My wife just got me during dinner...couldn't be prouder.

I made dinner that was ready right as my wife got home from work. I was pulling the fish out of the oven and ask her if she is having rice on the side. She tells me "that's naan of your business" as I turn and see her putting a piece of naan in the toaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bikesbabesbeer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2016
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My wife accused me of cracking a dad joke, I couldn't be prouder

6 year old daughter is showing how well she does splits and touches her nose to her knee.

"Daddy, can you touch your nose to your knee?"

"Honey, I can't touch my nose to your knee."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freemdoom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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I couldn't be prouder of my wife.

Watching the local news and they come to their end of the broadcast fluff piece. Tonight it was about a farmer growing a 2000lb pumpkin.

Me: "Wow"

Her: "Oh my gourd!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DV8_2XL
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
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Proud Dad Moment

Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said β€œI guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁

Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisgoggs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."

"I'm breathing underwater."

I've never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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What do you call an aeroplane that doesn’t fly?

An error-plane

As just to me by my 7 year old. I’ve never been prouder!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyMrFrank
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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I am apparently a proud grandpa.

Today my 4 year old was talking about Halloween and said "it was pretty ghoul."

Never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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My five-year-old just asked me what my name is and I told him "You know what my name is."

He replied, "Your name is 'You know what my name is'?"

I've never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IchWillRingen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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What are they teaching kids these days?

My 2 year old little girl was sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner. It was me and my wife and her, just chilling. So, she drops her napkin on the floor and I pick it up and hand it to her, to which she says thank you daddy. So, I ask her if she can say thank you in spanish.

"Thank you daddy, in spanish"

I almost choked on my meal I laughed so hard, and my wife groaned. I have never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lidsville76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
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Today I have outdone myself

Today I have outdone myself. When asking my sister how her day went, she said that she learned how to cook an omelet today and she said she did really well on it. I then said "next time, omelet you cook breakfast." I swear the look of disgust on her face could turn milk sour, and I couldn't be any prouder of myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoinBowen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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My 9yo's joke

what do you call a pig thief?

a ham-burglar.

never been prouder!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegasman20002
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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My sons H (5) and L (3) wake up yesterday morning...

L: Daddy? Me: Yes, sweety L: I, hungry H, without missing a beat: Hi hungry, I'm H!

I've never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banksy0726
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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She swears like a sailor...

Wife: β€œHow much do sailors swear though?” Me: β€œA Ship-Load!”

... one of my prouder dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOneTrueAnt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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When I told my son about the National Parks Service alt twitter account he said...

"Tree-va la RΓ©sistance!"

It was one of my prouder parenting moments.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibology29
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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Dadjoked my wife and the nurse moments before my daughter was born

My wife and I welcomed our new daughter this week. The wife wanted some classic rock while she was pushing. We were all there, the doctor, the main nurse (with whom we were joking all day long) and a few other nurses. This was the moment of truth.

Suddenly, the Scorpions' "Rock you like a hurricane" comes on, and my wife exclaims: "This is exactly what I need to pump me up!! She is going to be a Scorpion!"

To which I replied "Actually, she'll be a Sagittarius"

The nurse looked at me surprised, cracked up, the wife rolled her eyes, and a few breaths later my daughter was born.

I have never been prouder to be a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mirkules
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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My 8 year old daughter just got me!

My son was singing one of the songs from the Lion King. I thought it sounded weird so I asked, "Are those real words?"

My daughter said, "Yep. They're all in the dictionary."

I couldn't be prouder!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fort221
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
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What is the difference between a businessman on a bike and hobo on a tricycle?

a tire / attire.

(This one was from my 16 year old son. Couldn't be prouder.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimMcKeeth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
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Dadjoked in the produce aisle

I was at the grocery store with my teenage brother and when we went through the produce aisle he turned to me and said " Something about this aisle makes me feel like a guy who's been in a coma for the last 20 years trying to figure out the slang he missed" " What?" You know, because that's some rad ish" I've never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Realslimslendy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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Raising the bar of dad jokes.

Last weekend, a group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were waiting in line for a concert in the city. While we were standing around, my girlfriend excitedly started pointing at a hotel a few blocks away.

"Look at the top of that building! I think that's an indoor pool on the top floor!"

Because it was hard to tell and we were bored in line, a debate started about whether it not it was actually a pool, until I stated that it was obviously a bar.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because nice hotels like to set the bar high."

I've never been prouder to make a group of people groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acedude0369
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2016
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I told my Dad that I accidentally burnt a tea-towel while cooking

His response: Why? Was it an act of protest?

Me: What?

Him: Were you protesting against a Tea-Towelitarian government?

I've never been prouder to be his son

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinbaconjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
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After weighing myself...

Full disclosure, I'm just a guy in his mid-20s - not a dad, though with my cheesy sense of humor I may as well be. Wanted to share one of my prouder examples of that today.

Anyways, a couple friends and I were visiting another friend out of town, and we'd been eating quite a bit on our trip (and not the healthiest stuff either). I randomly decided to weigh myself and found that I was 158 lbs, which was a bit alarming because I had just been around 150 a week or two prior.

Came downstairs and the topic of how much we'd been eating came up. I mentioned my weight of 158, and one of my friends went "Damn, how did that happen?" And I swear to god, without even thinking, this just came out:

"Well I was 150... and then I eight."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/womble2113
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2016
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Cousin's 3 year old daughter is going to be a great dad one day.

My cousin and his wife have a 3 year old daughter, and they're traveling to visit us cross-country for Thanksgiving. In the hotel last night, cousin (Steven) was discussing breakfast with his daughter (Emily).

Steven: "Tomorrow morning, before we leave, the hotel is going to cook us breakfast!"

Emily: "Daddy, how is the hotel going to cook us breakfast? It doesn't even have hands!"

Steven said he's never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justinerwin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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My Daughter's Dad Joke

My daughter (who's 8) is already working on her Dad jokes. Just got this text:

> Dada! In Star Wars C3-PO was caught red handed! > > C3PO's hand was red! > > Anddddd I bet that he was caught by the empire red handed and got his red hand!

Never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psifertex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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What did Mayor McCheese do before he was mayor?

He was a roll model.

My dad has never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesillymuffin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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