Protohistory Puns

I believe there are Roman accounts of chariot use, but that these accounts are of questionable validity. Legendary tales such as Táin Bó Cúailnge, too, are not exactly reliable sources for understanding warfare or daily life.

Part 1: (In Media Res: War of The Gods)

Part 2: (Your Current Location: Interlude: Discourse on Femininity and Matriarchy in Society)

Part 3: (War of The Gods continued, Creation of Oblivion and Shattering of Iqa-Touf)

Part 4: (War of The Gods Finale)

Part 5: (Coming Soon: The Dawn of Man, Redefining Hircine)

Part 6: (TBA: The Men/Mer Schism Begins, Mankind Becomes Divided)

Part 7: (TBA: Interlude: Folk Origin of the Reachmen)

Part 8: (TBA: Flashback, Creation of The Universe: More to Follow)

Author's Note: Protohistory is defined as, "a period between prehistory and history, during which a culture or civilization [that being Man] has not yet developed writing but other cultures [that being Mer] have already noted its existence in their own writings," so in this context I am referring to some time around the Merethic Era.

>By secret glyph: Inner-Cyrodiilic Dreamsleeve Transmission

>Dreamsleeve: security algorithm bypassed by nymic homebrew PrivatOS - subtype carrier: pigeon

>Priority: Urgent

>Transmission Relay Date: 4E 198, 28th of Sun's Dusk

>Tonal Data File Attachment Detected: Jsashe Text-Page 40-Translation.BGS

>To Vibianus Cindiras, with Stendarr as your humble advisor, I humbly apologize for taking so long to respond to your dreamsleeve pigeon. There's scantly been time to enter a meditative broadband state as of late - since last we spoke, the expedition's plans have veered ferociously off course. You see, somehow that ignoble local Jarl discovered our treachery and demanded we relinquish the devotional manuscript detailing the Witch-Queen of Whiterun's state religion, deeming it, "...a blasphemy upon our Nordic way of life and a contradiction to the [version of] history we Jarls of Whiterun have spent nearly a century propagating to the general populace of this hold."

>*Naturally, we refused, but the stubborn Nord dispatched a troop of Nightblades to silence our tongues and retrieve the artifact; you would think acquiring the relic would be sufficient, but I suppose we "sullied his honor" and we're "dangerous" on account of what we have learned from the tome (which, considering the size of it, isn't

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭