Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?

It's considered meowware!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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I programmed seaweed to dance.

I used one of those algae-rhythms.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pat_the_brat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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In the future, what will we call robots that are programmed to act like grandma?

Nanabots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentpl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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A programming pun

Here's a programming joke for y'all

How did the founder of the tech company build his company's campus?

By calling the Constructor():

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SynapseAI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Gotta love programming puns.

The depressed programmer says "goodbye world"

Sorry

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2014
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My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

πŸ‘︎ 40k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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So you know the programming language C...

next is C++, or C2 since its the second one, then there's C# or C3 since the # symbol is just shift 3.

I can't wait for the next iteration, C4! I hear its gonna be... A blast!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eclipse_Shadow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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my wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.

she's worked very hard and i know it's been difficult for her, but i'm very proud. she's in possibly the best shape of her life and she is once again confident in her own body, but i will endlessly love her despite what she looks like.

what, were you expecting me to say something about a baby?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.

So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstroPenguin101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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My wife just finished her 40 week body building program.

She lost 8 pounds and 1 oz, and gained a new family member!

I'm officially a father and step father! Woohoo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsaneVanity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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My son is involved in the school music program...

I told him i offered his director some assistance. They said yes.

Now I get to be a band-aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yellow_Odd_Fellow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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How do you program genderless robots?

with nonbinary code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejaywhey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Me and my friends recently started a space program.

Sadly, it didn’t take off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir-Fntrf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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What was Princess Leia's LEAST favorite programming language?

Jabbascript

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minuteman_d
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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What do you call a snake that can program?

Python

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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What is a bad wizard’s favourite computer program?

Spell-check

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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What would you call someone who programs female robots ?

Cod-her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I find that computer programming is a great painkiller.

It involves a lot of codeine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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I programed a new application on my robot that simulates anxiety I call it...

The nervous system

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Microsoft note-d
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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In high school, I never went to those anti-drug programs.

I didn't D.A.R.E.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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A computer engineer came to my house. I said, "I can't get aroused by programs and other operating information on my machine."

He said, "Software?"

I said, "In my pants."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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This guy told me he was a programming a computer.

I knew it had to be a code for something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IzzetAGoblin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?

A sweatband

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrrhios
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Yo, homie. You know of any good computer programs for typing up documents?

Word.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Just got back from Lowe’s where I picked up a cool new gadget.

Solar powered clippers attached to a drone that I can program to do most of my landscaping.

It’s real Cutting Hedge Technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krusty100
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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[Warning]: 18+
πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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Wholesome story with a moral, featuring the C programming language reddit.com/r/ProgrammerDa…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/citewiki
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission

When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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What is a cappuccino's favourite programming language?

Javascript

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhilashmurthy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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What do you call an computer program that can read books, and then make reviews about them, but sadly can only read text that has a red font?

An InkRedible machine.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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How do you make a computer say β€˜5’?

You’ll figure it out. It’s Programming Binary 101.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIndrajitKar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a one step program to fell like a billion dollars.

Wear Elon's musk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalrain39
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers....

..It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronLegion11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

The best dam program Iβ€˜ve ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe_dsr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZEUSlightning5265
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eastyisthename
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam programme I've ever seen.
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattasaurusrrex
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackojamison
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimbausky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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