Why did the aspiring programmer buy a pair of glasses?

So he could C#

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theguywithnoheart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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Why are programmers so good at dancing?

They have great algorithm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChurnLikeButter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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Which way did the programmer go?

He went data way

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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What are ducks favourite t.v. programmes ?

Duckumentaries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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This took me minutes too
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mbolgiano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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My programmer husband insists he has to be the one to change the channel

He has a lot experience working remote

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iceberger3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Old programmers never die

They just don't C as well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/c4cooke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect....

Then they fried me for no raisin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do NASA programmers do on the weekends?

They hit the space bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaddis04
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?

A "Ο€"thon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ididittoem
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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If a programmer could rearrange the alphabet, they'd put U and I together.

User Interface is important to them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demented_Sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Said by a sick computer programmer

"I'm just coughing and hacking."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Our local flying school is trialling a new programme to teach blind people how to fly.

Can’t see it taking off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4wwn4h
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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A programmer's wife tells him: "While you're at the store, get some milk".

He never comes back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dummy_149
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What does a programmer's ghost say?

bool!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themartianmaster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Why did the programmer quit his job?

because he didn't get arrays.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dummy_149
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Why does programmers have perfect vision?

Because they can C++

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRangez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Why did the programmer leave his job ?

Because he couldn’t hack it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaelp667
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife. His wife says, β€œGet a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”

The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, β€œThey had eggs.”

edit: I know guys, I know, it’s supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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What do programmers do when they're hungry?

They grab a byte

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jurica1306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Why couldn't the programmer dance to the song?

Because he didn't get the... algo-rhythm...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wazer_mn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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What was the SNES programmers' favorite drink?

Sprite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlarioKath
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I've heard they just launched the new reptilian-focused aid programme.

They called it Gatorade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avohka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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How does the computer programmer order all her books?

By the Dewey Hexadecimal System!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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As a programmer, waking up is the 0th thing I do every morning
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nh-278
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I watched a TV programme about the House of Lords last week. But I wasn’t really concentrating so I’m going to have to watch it again.

That’ll be the Peer review.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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How does a programmer get cooler in the summer?

He opens Windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kidplayer_666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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What you call it when computer programmers make fun of each other?

cyber boolean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebobstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Programmers hate roman numerals.

But I can't zero in on why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom036
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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I am now a succesful programmer

But back in the days I was a noobgrammer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Notfrootloops
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25

For non-programmers: (octal 31 = decimal 25)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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What do spanish programmers code in?

SΓ­ ++

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yuberz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Why did the programmer get a huge telephone bill?

Because his program was CALLING a lot of subroutines.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madjholu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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What do you call a programme where you watch some very skilled dogs sleeping?

Snore patrol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Scientists and programmers have gotten together to write computer code that will not only warn of future global warming but also take credit for inventing the internet.

It's an new Al-Gore-rithm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Why do programmers wear glasses?

Because they can't C#

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sneakysneaky23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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What do programmers and exterminators have in common?

They both spend most of their time fighting bugs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tickytickytango
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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Why did the C++ programmer do so well at his new job as a packaging and design engineer?

Because he was very good at orienting objects.

(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarvedttudd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam programme I've ever seen.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattasaurusrrex
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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What do programmers dance to?

Algorhythms

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubblegum_batman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Why do programmers like dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crocflamingo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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My friend quit his job as a programmer...

He didn't get arrays.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okbutt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Programmers hate roman numerals.

But I can't zero in on why?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom036
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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Which way did the programmer go?

He went data way!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BringOutTheGMMP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Which way did the programmer go?

He went data way

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Filterfilthy27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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