What did the frog say at the condom product development meeting?

Ribbit

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šŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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Ever since my wife got fired from the grocery store she developed a terrible disease where she pretends our house is the store and she stocks it full of different products.

It's called Stockholm syndrome

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/BinaryPeach
šŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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NOT A JOKE - I Need Help with Dad Joke Research

Hello, I'm a student and Iā€™m building something related to sharing jokes. As part of my project, I need to survey potential users of the product.

Can I have permission to ask for help with my homework here? (I wasn't sure if this would be breaking the rules)

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/thats2easy
šŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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I am the proud owner of a family-run barber shop

For centuries, we've used our shop as a means of teaching the youngest of our lineage the importance of teamwork, the value of a dollar and, most importantly, the self-satisfaction felt in a job well-done.

In the past few weeks, it's been repeatedly brought to my attention that our youngest child, Sheeran, has been demonstrating particularly helpful and productive tendencies so, today, I felt it was finally time to experience the honor of rewarding his efforts, offering him the opportunity to join our workforce; to which he was nothing short of ecstatic!

I'll be honest, I initially withheld concerns that his excitement would subside once I explained the sorts of menial work I'd have to start him off on but, to my relief, he took no issue in hearing that his duties would mostly revolve around wiping our patrons' hair off of the chairs, and sweeping it up from the floor.

Sharing a moment of beautiful silence, exchanging our most heartfelt of smiles and basking in this pivotal moment of his development, I placed my hand on his shoulder and said, "Son...

You are really going to have your work cut out for you."

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/somenewinfo
šŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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Paging

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla ā€¦ Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey ā€¦ Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe ā€¦ Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure ā€¦ Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch ā€¦ Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl ā€¦ Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec ā€¦ Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin ā€¦ Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette ā€¦ Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader ā€¦ Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki ā€¦ Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish ā€¦ Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank ā€¦ Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo ā€¦ Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia ā€¦ Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis ā€¦ Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni ā€¦ Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium ā€¦ Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon ā€¦ Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester ā€¦ Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia ā€¦ Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan ā€¦ Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff ā€¦ Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous ā€¦ Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni ā€¦ Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur ā€¦ Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera ā€¦ Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple ā€¦ Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino ā€¦ Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter ā€¦ Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia ā€¦ Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone ā€¦ Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark ā€¦ Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki ā€¦ Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery ā€¦ Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric ā€¦ Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank ā€¦ Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma ā€¦ Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass ā€¦ Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella ā€¦ Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe ā€¦ Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa ā€¦ Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente ā€¦ Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda ā€¦ Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike ā€¦ Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum ā€¦ Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey ā€¦ Miss

... keep reading on reddit āž”

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/RayZinnet
šŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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IT dad joke

For background, I'm an IT guy.

My wife and I are heading home after our first ultrasound, and asks me what I though about being a dad.

Well, it doesn't seem very well thought out. There's only one developer, it has a 40 week development cycle that can't be changed, and it goes straight into production with no beta testing. Then after launch, everyone is expected to support it.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/trrwilson
šŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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