I feel strong peel pressure when all my friends start eating bananas.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deoxys14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 736
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LIS1050010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...

I felt your presents!

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate peer pressure

Unless my friends like it, then I guess it's cool

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pray4judo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
It might crack under pressure.
πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SorenRL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: β€œAnd what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.

The woman simply replied, β€œNo peer pressure.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of flies in a vacuum chamber?

Walks.

For those who didn't get it , it's okay , there's no pressure at all !

πŸ‘︎ 247
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ravioliWhoreeeee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix alcohol with pressure in a small space?

BARFITE

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to trademark an unit for pressure...

But the patent office wouldn’t have a bar of it

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllDayRef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...

I never could stand up to pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My interviewer asked if I could preform under pressure.

I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My future boss asked if i could perform under pressure.

I said "No, but I can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody"

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When you ask the barber for a haircut fit for "I'm under pressure"
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the pressure Microsoft is under to compete with iPad?

Surface Tension

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TennisADHD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't eggs keep a secret?

They tend to crack under pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a go.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/r_person
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"

I usually have my band with me

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDogAlex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
pier pressure [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 283
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slavicgarlic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to go to the docks, but after my friends pestered me for an hour I finally gave into pier pressure
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Bandit_TFR
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Maybe carbon doesn't want to be a diamond

it's just pressured into it

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure

Me: I don’t know about that but I can take a stab at Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CashMoney6661
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Got pier pressured to post this here.
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Invalleria
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are whales so stressed out?

They're under a lot of pressure down there

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fku208
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the tire get fired from its job?

It couldn’t stand the pressure

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can’t an egg speak publicly?

He cracks under pressure

πŸ‘︎ 300
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Which weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What causes all the super-yachts to squeeze together in the same tourist spots?

Pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the volcano say to earth?

I’m going to explode if you don’t stop pressuring me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D-B-Zzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Where should you go for a drink when you feel under pressure?

The isobar!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Under pressure
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Hope this one doesn’t blow up on me.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lococlyde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
They tried to make a diamond shaped like a duck

But it quacked under pressure

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center... The interviewer asked me if I can work well under pressure
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.

I call it the 0k boomer experiment.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Pier pressure
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MRR2012
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.

It's a ton of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Many years ago there was a vicious viking named RΓΌdoff.

RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps pressuring me into going spelunking with him. Well, after weeks and months of constant persuasion...

...I finally caved.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthonyDuricko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone interested in buying a broken barometer....?

No pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard being a fish?

They are under pressure their whole life

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cabra117
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You wanna know my opinion on negative pressure?

It sucks!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dexemplu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When someone is depressed, apply pressure to some part of their body. They'll no longer be de-pressed.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuspiciousOmelet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends invited me to do drugs on the docks

The Pier pressure is heavy

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Waterburst789
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor just diagnosed me with very low blood pressure.

He prescribed two IKEA self assembly wardrobes.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
"Pier Pressure” instagram.com/gonepatrol/…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iFunny_15_T0x1c
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.