A list of puns related to "Pop Can"
Probably not, its a soft drink.
Because he was soda pressed.
Let's say I raised the bar and set the steaks.
Put it on my tab
It's soda pressing
Dad: That's wheelie cool!
"So, do you want two lanes or four lanes?"
It was soda pressing.
I said βare you gonna give them the No-Bell prize?β
I HAVE WON THE DAY
The bartender says "what can I get you".
"Pop" goes the weasel.
The Kernel.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit theyβre bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. βIβd like some wings and a pint of beer, please,β it says. βSorry, but I canβt serve you,β the bartender replies. βYouβre out of your head.β
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. βWe donβt serve your kind here,β the bartender says. βWhy not?β one yogurt asks. βWeβre cultured.β
A friend of mine didnβt pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heβs an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and thereβs a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, βWhat are you staring at? Havenβt you ever seen a horse tending bar before?β The guy says, βItβs not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.β
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, βWhatβs with the paper towel?β The pirate says, βArrr! Iβve got a Bounty on me head!β
A turtle is crossing the road when heβs mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, βI donβt know. It all happened so fast.β
Armed robbersβsome say theyβre a drain on society, but youβve got to give it to them.
Barbersβ¦you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Donβt forget the pickle. Itβs kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereβs Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisβ¦ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit β‘We have lots of jokes here some good, most not, but that's fine. What we don't have are the "situational" dad jokes, ones that are only funny (for us dad's) in specific situations. I was to collect the classics, so give a situation and then the joke.
Here's example #1, maybe even the ur-dad-joke
When someone stubs their toe: Should I call a toe truck?
A couple more:
When driving past a farm with bundled straw loudly declaring "hay!"
When driving behind an open back horse carrier, declaring "what a horse's ass".
Please share yours!
My wife was stepping on my back and she suddenly asked "How do dominatrixs not kill people when they do this with stilettos. Do they have to get certified or classes?"
I told her "The only certification for dominatrix is a master's degree"
Top tier groan in response.
Old family jokes, which means Iβm sure variations are out there for both of them that most of you have heard
#1- an elderly woman is watching her normal sitcoms when suddenly the news cuts into her show to show live footage of a madman driving the wrong way on the interstate! Worried sick, she calls her husband, and says βhoney, thereβs a madman driving the wrong way on the highway! Be careful on your way home!β Her husband responds irritated, βwhat are you talking about? Thereβs not only one madman! There are hundreds of them!β
#2- a cop pulls over a man who was speeding. He approaches the car and asks for license and registration. The driver says, βIβm sorry officer, I canβt do that! You see, this car is stolen so the registration isnβt under my name! Also, the gun I used to steal the car is in there and I wouldnβt want you to be uncomfortable!β
The cop is obviously a bit flustered, and asks for the man to roll down his back windows to look in the backseat. The man replies, βhonestly officer thatβs impossible, as I have 10 kilos of cocaine in the footwells and donβt want to expose them to outside!β
At this point the cop is quite worried and has his gun drawn, asking the driver to open the trunk! The driver replies βofficer, Iβm afraid I canβt do that due to the two bodies I have in my trunk!β
At this, the officer runs back to his car and radios for backup.
After about 10 minutes, the police sergeant drives up and with his gun drawn asks the man for his license and registration. The driver says, βabsolutely sergeant, no problemβ and hands him a perfectly normal and legal registration and license.
The sergeant then says, βand I hear you have drugs in the back seat!β
βOh not at all, sergeant!β Says the man, opening the back window. The car is very clean and the footwells empty.
Confused, the sergeant then asks: βwhat about your trunk? I hear you have two dead bodies in there?β
βNot at all officerβ, says the man, βonly my groceries!β Popping the trunk, itβs obvious thereβs nothing wrong with the driver or the vehicle.
βI donβt understand; my officer told me you told him all of these things. Whatβs going on?!β
The driver responds βI bet he told you I was speeding, too, didnβt he?β
All they have are cans of tuna and some firewood. They need to determine how to get the tuna out of the can so they can eat and not starve.
The anthropologist says that they should find some sharp rocks and bang the sides of the can until it pops open. That's what people did before tools.
The chemist says they should start a fire and cook the cans. This will cause them to expand and burst and we can eat warm tuna.
The economist says "alright guys, imagine if we had a can opener"
Since we're all dad's here (our women and non-reproducing friends included) I'm hoping you can help me with some kid advice. You see my kids are always arguing they want sugary breakfasts. Froot-Loops and Pop Tarts or what have you.
How can I get them to eat something healthy?
My kids are imporridgable
Unfortunately, the car pops into existence directly in the path of the Doc Brown living in 1955, running him over. Now you have two Doc Browns in 1955. One from the future and very much alive and a younger version from 1955 that is now dead. How can the Doc from the future even be there as he has just wiped out his own existence? These two Docs are a connundrum to space and time.
In the end though it's actually an example of a famous time travel pair of docs.
There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. βYou have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.β
The teacher thinks for a moment and says, βFor my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have.β Poof! The jewels appear.
βFor my second wish, I want karma. Lots of karma.β Poof! The karma appears.
The genie stares at the teacher, waiting for the third wish. βI can give you anything in the world,β he says again.
The teacher thinks for a long time. βAs a teacher, I always hated careless mistakes from my students. I noticed that I accidentally wrote βlambβ instead of βlamp.β Please correct my mistake.β
The genie moaned in anguish. βThis is Reddit,β he shouted. Once you post it, you canβt edit the title.
βIn that case,β the teacher smiled, βIt looks like Iβve got myself a genie for eternity.β
Anyone can pop corn.
2021 is the first year I was able to be home so that my dad could meet my daughter, so I took them out for ice cream. I said to him, "Pops, you truly have been a good man, and a great father. I can finally say you are a Grand Dad."
So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.
So last night, i proposed to my girlfriend of 7 years. We went to go watch Boyz ii Men out here in Las Vegas. I had purchased the meet and greet package to which the entire show staff and Boyz ii Men were completely aware about what I was about to do.
After I had popped the question, there was silence, Wanya turns over to my girlfriend, and says, "You can say, he's On Bended Knee." I heard my girlfriend silently groan under her breath, before she said YES!
I'm notorious for puns in our relationship, so after he came through with that punchline, she knew that they were in on it too. What an honorable night for a dadjoke!
Photos of the moment here!
http://imgur.com/a/pIO0h
A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...
So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.
The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"
The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.
"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.
"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up youβre
... keep reading on reddit β‘It was just soda pressing.
But it was soda pressing
The bartender says, βwoah, never seen a weasel in here before, what can I getcha?β βPopβ goes the weasel
Crushing pop cans is soda pressing
Is soda pressing...
It's soda pressing.
It's soda pressing
The bartender says βwhat can I get you?β
βPopβ goes the weasel.
Once you pop, you just canβt stop.
because it is soda pressing.
Is soda pressing
The bartender says,
"Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
The bartender says, "Wow, I have never served a weasel before. What can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
"You Otter get a job if you want those, buddy."
Another shopper dad snorted when he overheard us.
The bartender sees him and says βwoah! Iβve never seen a weasel in here before, what can I getcha?β βPopβ goes the weasel
A guy walks into a bar. "What can I get you tonight?" the bartender asks him. "Well I don't know. I won't drink anything stronger than pop," the guy replies. "Mind you, Pop will drink anything."
Do You know the new term for a Dad Joke? Pop Corn - The Corniest You can get!!!
What can I get for you bud?β
βPopβ goes the weasel
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow I never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
The weasel asks, βWhat can I have?β
The bartender replies, βI have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.β
βPop!β goes the weasel..
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