I endorse podiums.

That’s a product I can stand behind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a-real-jerk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I was just hired as a spokesperson for a podium company.

That’s a product I can stand behind.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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I’ve installed podiums and microphones all over my ship.

They’re just for deck oration.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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My father sold podiums

and he always stood behind his product

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ServalSpots
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
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Did you see the new movie about the podium that eats people?

It's called "Hannibal Lectern."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robotreader
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2013
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What did the professor say when he tripped on the podium?

Whoops, a dais!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/X_Irradiance
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2015
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A woman is at her deceased father's funeral.

The man sitting next to her asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Absolutely", she responds. So the man walks up to the podium and clears his throat. "Plethora" he says. Then he comes and sits back down. "Thank you", the woman says. "That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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If lazyness was an olympic sport, I would come fourth.

I woudn't want to climb up the podium

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoggenstein123
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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The funeral

So there's this funeral, and the widow asks if anyone would like to say anything.

A man stands up and say: "I'd like to say a word."

The widow nods and the man takes the podium.

He says, "Plethora." and goes back to his seat.

The widow says: "Thank you, that means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toothpik556
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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If laziness was an Olympic sport,

I would probably come in fourth, so that I don’t have to walk to the podium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
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Rubber - Movie

So I was hanging out with friends and they told me about this movie Rubber. It's a movie about a tire that goes around and kills people. I had never heard of it so I asked if the tire won any awards because it would be funny to see them roll out a tire to a podium. My buddy across the table says "Yeah, it had a pretty Goodyear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/92235
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
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Cheat sheet for Dads on Halloween

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

  • Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

  • Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

  • Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

  • Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

  • Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

  • Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

  • Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

  • Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

  • Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

  • A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

  • It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

  • To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

  • I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

  • A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

  • A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnolaum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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Watching Olympic speed skating when...

Step mom: "Wow, he swept the podium!" Dad: "Yeah, the guys who were up there before him made a huge mess."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedymya_STRO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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I am officially endorsing podiums.

Now THAT is a product I can stand behind!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I endorse podiums!

Now that’s a product I can stand behind

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MNMKandyKane
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If I was a celebrity, I would be happy to endorse podiums.

It’s a product I can stand behind,

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report

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