Planting wheat always gives me a headache.

But hey, it's my grain.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer get pulled over after planting his field?

He broke the seed limit

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...

I told them that they were still a few yards away.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerica80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
We tried planting some herbs in the back yard.

The basil has done fine, the other died. I turned to my wife and said, β€œwell, there’s no thyme in quarantine!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeepTheFaith613
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..

It grew on me

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor is planting some saplings in is yard

Those sons of birches...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronQrow1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was planting myself in a garden.

It felt so real, I actually soiled myself.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.

"A lemon tree, my dear Watson".

πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Old man Art was planting flowers in his front yard. The homeowners’ association fined him $100.

Yard Art is strictly prohibited.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Me to My kid: "I heard you've been planting trees, son! Why don't you plant Tulips?.."

Nvm, not from Alabama

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't know why some people make a big deal about planting a garden...

It's sow easy!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPockets95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I was originally opposed to the idea of planting a seed on my back

But it's really grown on me

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerlerSwerft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
People told me that planting ivy on my body was a bad idea

but now I think it's grown on me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Terrorists have been planting bombs in Alphabetti Spaghetti.

Experts say that if detonated, it could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crocsndsocks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad planting trees in the backyard...

Come home, see my dad planting trees in the backyard... I ask, "How do you know where to plant the trees?" Dad says, "It's arbortrary".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheechoo13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Planting some annuals today, told my son they had to be done immediately...

...because they were impatients.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ja647
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2015
🚨︎ report
plant pun
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
[Request] Plant puns for a bookmark!

Making a bookmark for part of my friends xmas gift. We're both botany students, so I'd like to make it plant related.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capernakis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I successfully crossbred a human and a coffee plant

The first human bean is here

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the cow fired from his job at the methane plant?

The boss was tired of his gaslighting bullshit

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/khy94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I really want to know more about plants...

I just haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Everisfunny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make a plant gender neutral?

You give it a transplantation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larsmeimei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the concrete plant.

My job was getting harder & harder.

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I worked security at a chemical plant. There had been a string of robberies at nearby chemical plants, and one night... lo and behold- we heard the alarm...

My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorus…

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Son: β€œWhat crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?”

Dad: β€œWell I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do plants and homies have in common?

I love watching them grow

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Impossible Foods is introducing a new line of Edible Plant based Panties.

They call them Bloomers!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dusty-cat-albany
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
You can't plant any flowers

If you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
NASA put a watch around a potted plant and sent it on a rocket to the sun. I said to my Daughter, "don't worry, it will be ok.."

"a watched pot never boils"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t blueberries want to be planted next to the corn?

Because the corn was a stalker.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hollywoodhank
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What does Baby Yoda feed his plants?

Miracle Grogu

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SD18491
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A chemist plants a seed

He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/therderper123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MollyWanders
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the scariest plant?

Bamboo.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/11Letters1Name
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SeeAllThePlanet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!

It’s called plant yourself on the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubble_2107
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
This tasty plant wasn't just a big dill, it was the National Anethum
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the museum and saw a painting of a criminal, who claimed his innocence and insisted the police planted evidence.

The frame was remarkable

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strungen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an indoor plant?

An intro-vert

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.

You've probably never heard of herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SST_06
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted to plant flowers

Problem is she hasn’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend injects his marijuana plants with sugar water as they grow, they sells bags of it for much higher prices...

He's trying to sweeten the pot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the spies who planted tiny microphones inside a box of tic-tacs?

They were in four mints.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The plant was tired of being boring.

It has decided to turn over a new leaf.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate my new job in the shoe recycling plant

It’s Sole destroying

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CD-one
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?

The poplar tree

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samcp12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I married my wife for her looks

Just not the ones she been giving me lately.

Thanks for the silver ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard

I’m not a huge fan of the bark

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twirly_Wang
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Help me making a pun names based around a samurai plant

this is for something important I just need a name for a plant who's also a samurai. Any pun name will be appreciated

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarasque_Man
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Vice Squad raid the water treatment plant?

They'd received a tip about a bunch of Pumps and Hoses.

(I'm sorry. I just got off work, heard "pumps and hoses" on the radio, and a bad idea was born.)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OOOH_WHATS_THIS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Terrorists have planted bombs in cans of alphabetti spaghetti.

If they go off it could spell disaster

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geofferz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report

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