Planting wheat always gives me a headache.
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Why did the farmer get pulled over after planting his field?
π︎ 17
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︎ Sep 08 2020
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...
I told them that they were still a few yards away.
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 09 2020
We tried planting some herbs in the back yard.
The basil has done fine, the other died. I turned to my wife and said, βwell, thereβs no thyme in quarantine!β
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 17 2020
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
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︎ May 07 2020
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..
π︎ 16
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︎ Feb 29 2020
My neighbor is planting some saplings in is yard
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 27 2020
I had a dream where I was planting myself in a garden.
It felt so real, I actually soiled myself.
π︎ 66
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︎ Sep 09 2019
Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson".
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︎ Sep 08 2018
Old man Art was planting flowers in his front yard. The homeownersβ association fined him $100.
Yard Art is strictly prohibited.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 25 2019
Me to My kid: "I heard you've been planting trees, son! Why don't you plant Tulips?.."
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 03 2019
I don't know why some people make a big deal about planting a garden...
π︎ 17
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︎ Mar 26 2019
I was originally opposed to the idea of planting a seed on my back
But it's really grown on me
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 31 2018
People told me that planting ivy on my body was a bad idea
but now I think it's grown on me.
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 05 2019
Terrorists have been planting bombs in Alphabetti Spaghetti.
Experts say that if detonated, it could spell disaster.
π︎ 60
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︎ Feb 14 2018
Dad planting trees in the backyard...
Come home, see my dad planting trees in the backyard... I ask, "How do you know where to plant the trees?" Dad says, "It's arbortrary".
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 26 2015
Planting some annuals today, told my son they had to be done immediately...
...because they were impatients.
π︎ 2
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︎ May 04 2015
plant pun
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
[Request] Plant puns for a bookmark!
Making a bookmark for part of my friends xmas gift. We're both botany students, so I'd like to make it plant related.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 05 2017
I successfully crossbred a human and a coffee plant
The first human bean is here
π︎ 27
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Why was the cow fired from his job at the methane plant?
The boss was tired of his gaslighting bullshit
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 09 2021
I really want to know more about plants...
π︎ 22
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︎ Jan 27 2021
How do you make a plant gender neutral?
You give it a transplantation
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 10 2021
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
π︎ 231
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︎ Nov 26 2020
I worked security at a chemical plant. There had been a string of robberies at nearby chemical plants, and one night... lo and behold- we heard the alarm...
My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorusβ¦
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 04 2021
Son: βWhat crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?β
Dad: βWell Iβm no legal expert, but I suspect thereβd be some trees in there.β
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 09 2021
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow
π︎ 30
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Impossible Foods is introducing a new line of Edible Plant based Panties.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 02 2021
You can't plant any flowers
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 21 2021
NASA put a watch around a potted plant and sent it on a rocket to the sun. I said to my Daughter, "don't worry, it will be ok.."
"a watched pot never boils"
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Why donβt blueberries want to be planted next to the corn?
Because the corn was a stalker.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 20 2021
What does Baby Yoda feed his plants?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 13 2021
A chemist plants a seed
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Next time youβre feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
π︎ 19
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Whatβs the scariest plant?
π︎ 23
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
Itβs called plant yourself on the couch.
π︎ 70
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︎ Nov 21 2020
This tasty plant wasn't just a big dill, it was the National Anethum
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 04 2020
I went to the museum and saw a painting of a criminal, who claimed his innocence and insisted the police planted evidence.
π︎ 31
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︎ Nov 22 2020
What do you call an indoor plant?
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 12 2020
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasnβt botany.
π︎ 58
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︎ Sep 30 2020
My friend injects his marijuana plants with sugar water as they grow, they sells bags of it for much higher prices...
He's trying to sweeten the pot.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
Did you hear about the spies who planted tiny microphones inside a box of tic-tacs?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
π︎ 17
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 09 2020
I hate my new job in the shoe recycling plant
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 06 2020
I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
Thanks for the silver β€οΈ
π︎ 14k
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︎ Nov 04 2020
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard
Iβm not a huge fan of the bark
π︎ 22
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Help me making a pun names based around a samurai plant
this is for something important I just need a name for a plant who's also a samurai. Any pun name will be appreciated
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Why did Vice Squad raid the water treatment plant?
They'd received a tip about a bunch of Pumps and Hoses.
(I'm sorry. I just got off work, heard "pumps and hoses" on the radio, and a bad idea was born.)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
Terrorists have planted bombs in cans of alphabetti spaghetti.
If they go off it could spell disaster
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
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