What is a buffalo salesman's catch phrase?
"Would you like to bison"?
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︎ May 19 2021
I love the phrase "Bear with me."
It could mean "please be patient" or the "heist at the zoo" was successful.
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︎ Apr 19 2021
A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt
The man says to the bartender β1 for me, and 1 for the roadβ
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︎ May 17 2021
My daughter (6) and I were watching a show where the phrase βgelatinous massβ came up..
..so I blurted out, βThatβs what jellyfish call church!β
rimshot
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Did you hear about the guy who repeated the same phrase more times than anyone else ever has?
Sounded like a broken record.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. Straw. That's it.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
My wife says I donβt understand prepositional phrases.
I told her to get under it!
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︎ Jan 19 2021
A prepositional phrase
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Clearing a windscreen
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︎ Feb 10 2021
Paranoia at the library
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︎ Apr 21 2021
*Whose/You're
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Everyone has heard the phrase "There's something afoot"...
But we are really in trouble when something is amile
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Every time I ask my son what a new phrase means, he tells me to google it.
Kids these days have a lot of slang for a killer clown movie.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Campbell got a new catch phrase
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?
A tiny part of me says yes.
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︎ Sep 29 2020
What do you call a bear who's crouched over and grunting?
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︎ May 22 2021
I hate it when uppercase & lowercase letters are mixed together in a phrase...
It's a WoRsT cAsE sCeNaRiO
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︎ Aug 12 2020
Philosopun
Descartes and Shakespeare were having a debate on how best to write. Descartes argued up and down that prose was the only way to really get your ideas across and that artistic license just muddied everything up. Shakespeare argued poetry and turns of phrase made the material more relatable and thus easier to get across. Descartes countered, "But how do you know what the best form is?" Shakespeare thought about it and replied, "I think, therefore iamb."
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︎ May 24 2021
I stopped using the phrase "in a nutshell"
I instead use "in a ball-sack"
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︎ Aug 14 2020
What's another word for strange sounds?
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︎ May 02 2021
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
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︎ Jan 02 2021
What a wonderful phrase
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︎ May 27 2020
Whatβs the difference between suggestive phrases and stalking?
One is innuendo the other is inyourwindow
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︎ Jun 10 2020
I googled the phrase "missing medieval servant".
It came back with "page not found".
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︎ Apr 10 2019
BBQ humour
If you have ever put together a new BBQ, you know how bad the instructions can be. Yesterday, my wife and I struggled through the horrible task. When we finally figured out the last complicated step, I exclaimed βYes! Now weβre cooking with gas.β
She actually smiled at that one, which is rare when I make Dad jokes.
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︎ Apr 03 2021
When arguments get silly
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︎ Jan 19 2021
Shot on iPhone
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.
You could say it's my maison d'Γͺtre.
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︎ Mar 30 2020
My father had this incredible catch phrase that left me and my brothers speechless for hours every day
The phrase was: "good night"
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︎ Feb 16 2020
So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to βsquare up on the ballβ
She replied βthe ball is round daddyβ (with a straight face) So I tell her βno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!β
She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says βIβM REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!β Then throws it right back at me.
Proud dad moment.
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Not the best way to phrase it but ok
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︎ May 22 2019
Who was the ancient Roman ruler who always used the phrase βI canβt evenβ?
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︎ Nov 06 2019
At the local donation center, only one guy donated anything, and it was a box of poop!
But hey, at least he gave a shit.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
If you could learn how to say one phrase in every language what would it be?
βIβm sorry, I didnβt vote for himβ
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︎ Dec 09 2019
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends werenβt very supportive. They kept telling him to βGet with the times...
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︎ Sep 22 2020
A friend of mine claimed that you can't make a suggestive phrase out of a martial art
I asked:
"Muay Thai prove you wrong?"
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︎ Nov 08 2019
My partner makes me speak a certain phrase before I can look her in the eye.
She calls it her wife eye password.
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︎ Sep 07 2018
My wife insists that I use the phrase βmake loveβ instead of the f-word.
I said, βWhat the make love are you talking about?β
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︎ May 10 2018
The phrase, size matters, is a phallacy.
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︎ Sep 17 2018
My wife....
Wife: "I wish we had more spice in our lives."
Me: "I live pretty spicy."
Wife: confused face
Me: "I'm always jalapeΓ±o way."
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︎ Dec 20 2020
What is an ophthalmologistβs favorite phrase
>! Eye see the issue now !<
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︎ Jun 28 2019
What is the spanish phrase for giving money to a homeless person?
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︎ Nov 21 2018
A prepositional phrase
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I googled the phrase βmissing medieval servantβ.
It came back with βpage not foundβ.
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︎ Jun 17 2019
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