Wanted a unique name for our new pet dog and asked a friend for ideas. His answer?

Gonnit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/majintb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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The best name for any pet is...

Peeve

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePegassi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Son: Dad, why did you name your pet tarantula James Bond?

Dad: Because it’s a Spy Duh!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedWing_16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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What would you name your pet pig?

Chris P Bacon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blazing_Storm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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[pun request] can anyone think of a pun relating to giannis antetokounmpo and rabbits/bunnies? Trying to come up with a pet name
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatemokidd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Pun pet names.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named BeeyoncΓ©. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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Need a name for a pet

My friend just got a pet shrew and as everyone knows, pun names for pets are the best but I can't think of any so I need some help Any suggestions are much appreciated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daggerbones8951
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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My wife thought it would be cute if we had pet names for each other.

Guess "Fido" was a bad choice.

Now I'm in the doghouse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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My girlfriend's pet name is Venison.

Because she's so deer to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bronsonaroberts
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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My friend has a pet albino crow, but he hates it when we call it by that name.

He prefers the term Cawcasian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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What did Richard Feynman name his pet turtle?

"Mandelbrot"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishnogeek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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If I had a pet newt I would have to name him Tiny

because he would be minute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pencilears
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2013
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Allways had a hard time with my pets dying in situations related to their names

But I suppose I shouldn't have called all my lemmings Cliff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manxninja23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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If I had a pet bear, I’d name him Nate

Then, when winter comes, I’d call him β€œHi, bear Nate!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tudorb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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My pet snake requests hiss little chocolate-nougat treats by name

Snick-snackss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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What did Hitler name his pet turkey?

Goebbels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kosmozoan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
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Dad nearly gets kids killed using rascist pet names.

My whole family is very, very white.

So my brother and I are at an NHL hockey game. I forget who was playing. My brother and I had gone to get some snacks are where trying to get my dads attention. We called his name, we waved, we screamed, we screeched, and nothing would get his attention. Finally we determined that we get his attention by calling the pet name he used for us when we were getting into mischief.

... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... COTTONPICKER!!!

At that moment 3 huge black guys turned around. I wondered for a second why they looked like they wanted to murder us. I had never actually parsed the word cottonpicker before; but in the second second I did. Took till the third second until I realized the rascist connotations of that term, and why 3 huge black guys might have some ill will towards us for screaming it so flippantly. I can only imagine how my 13 year old eyes looked as I processed this information. By the forth second I had grabbed my brother and we were running. We didn't stop for 10 minutes. We couldn't go back to our seats for the whole game since these guys were sitting right behind us.

After the game I let my father know how pissed at him I was.

TLDR: Dads don't have rascist pet names for your kids; you may get them killed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnolaum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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I got a new pet lizard, I named him Tiny....

because he’s my newt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarafina_312
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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My kid’s pet rabbit named Gotye ran away a few days ago, and we can’t find it.

Now he’s just some bunny we used to know.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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There's this book about a girl named Sarah and her pet dog, Dippity.

It's quite a relaxing read.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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I bought two pet fish for my kid, and named them 1 and 2.

In case 1 dies, he’ll still have 2.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

The bartender says β€œWhat an interesting pet, whats his name?”

β€œTiny” the man replies.

β€œWhat an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” β€œBecause…He’s my newt.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tibbyias
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Need a tree or bush pun rooted in D&D

Idk if anyone here plays dnd but i just got another awakened bush as a pet and wanted to give pun for a name the other one is elvis pressleaf any suggestion would be appreciated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DamagediceDM
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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Tom Cruise is minute.

That's what I named my pet Amphibian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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I cannot be-weave he said this

I’m terrified of spiders and had to summon my boyfriend to relocate a rather large one hanging out on the back door.

Him: Actually I think I’ll put him in a jar. We can keep him as a pet and name him Frank.

Me staring at him bewildered:.... name him frank?

Him: Yes because he frankly terrifies you.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Vegetables

I have a lot of pet names for my gf, but ever she since she’s been in a coma, I just cauliflower πŸ‘‰

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fabled_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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You need an IQ of 200 to get this computer pun.

A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.

This is unoriginal, but it has been reposted so many times i can't even pund it anywhere in the web, I even asked my pet spider where it was orginally found.

Pun 1: >!A gigabyte is actually 1024 MB not 1000 MB!<

Pun 2: >!Spiders makes webs idiot.!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoatNoodles1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeviantClam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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Finals of the national trivia quiz in Foodlandia.

Foodlandia is a country where every city is named after a food and every city has a guild to represent it in competitions and such.

It was the finals of the national city vs. city trivia quiz and the two remaining contestants were guilds from Curry City and Pasta City.

The final question was "Which is the most popular pet in Foodlandia?". Each city's guild put their answer in a sealed envelope and they were stored for the next days big reveal.

On the next morning the officials went to retrieve the envelopes and they found a horrific sight, a dead spy from Pasta City and in his hand an opened envelope with a paper inside that read "Curry City Guild: The Cat".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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A typical joke from my dad

"I want to get a dog and name it 'Peeve,' that way I can have a pet Peeve."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epg513
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2013
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Got any Pets?

I make my friend and his dad do this one for me all the time because it pisses my friend off.

Friend's Dad: Hey, got any pets?

Friend: I have a newt...

Friend's Dad: Cool! What's his name?

Friend: sigh Tiny.

Friend's Dad: Why'd you call him that?

Friend: ...

Me: SAY IT, DAMN IT.

Friend: ...Because he's minute (my newt).

Me and Friend's Dad: HAHAHAHAHA CLASSIC

Friend: I hate you so much, Fez_Master...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fez_Master
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2013
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An all time low for my dad...

Pops takes me, my wife, and my kids out for a post Christmas meal at the Rainforest Cafe.

We stand in line to put our names on the list. After giving the lady our name, my old man stops her and asks, "Excuse me mam, but do you allow pets in here?"

She responds back with a quizzical "I'm sorry but no."

Pops turns to me and says, "Sorry son, looks like you are waiting in the car." He then does the corny half laugh half cackle while the restaurant worker rolls her eyes and my wife laughs at me.

Damn him and his corny jokes!!!

P. S. Will use this on my kids later this week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SouthpawNRelief
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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Epoxy

Texting a lady friend of mine:

(me not replying)

Her: or not.

Me: Sorry (pet name) I was setting up my new phone.

Her: Set up faster

Her: I like when you call me that.

Me: That's what I always tell my epoxy. .........

Her: What

Her: What's epoxy?

Me: nevermind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toke_n_Ride138
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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Manager smelled what my coworker was cookin'

So, I work with a woman named Libby who is finally retiring in two days. It's no secret that she has a crush on Dwayne Johnson, so as a parting gift/joke some other coworkers bought a figurine, a wall poster, and a life-size cardboard cutout of him and put them at her desk.

When I was visiting her, her manager swung by to see her 'guest,' and he asked if the celebrity was going to be staying in the office. Libby said "Oh no no--he's coming home with me!" He says, "Huh. I thought the pet rock fad died out thirty years ago."

He tried to play it cool, but it was pretty easy to tell that he was absolutely tickled with himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSpiffySpaceman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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I dad joked my son and boyfriend

A little background: My son is about 18 months old, and I read to him every night before bed. He chooses his book, and 99 times out of 100, he chooses "Dear Zoo."

For those who haven't read it, it's about a child who continually writes to the zoo in search for a pet. They send him and elephant which was too big, so he sent it back. Then they send him a giraffe who was too tall, so he sent him back etc. until he gets a dog, which is of course, perfect.

Since our son is talking more and more, my boyfriend was trying to coax our son to say the name of the book:

Boyfriend: what do you want to read tonight? Does it start with dear?....

Me: No, it starts with an Elephant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scnavi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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I used to have a pet Newt when I was little...

I used to have a pet Newt when I was little, his name was Tiny.

Do you know why his name was Tiny?

Because he was minute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConorTurk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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A Man walks into a bar..

with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says β€œWhat an interesting pet, whats his name?”

β€œTiny” the man replies.

β€œWhat an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” β€œBecause…He’s my newt.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notwutiwantd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
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