Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person
Her actual word were “you’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...
What's the difference between a horribly dressed person on a two wheeler and a nicely dressed person on a three wheeler?
What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?
I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym
It was the vending machine
A chemist froze himself to -273.15°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer
She said "This isn't working out."
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.
I personally want to see Radigascar
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."
"I'll find you....I have contacts."
Person to my dad “How long have you been married?”
Dad: “10 of the happiest years of my life”
(They’ve been married 43 years)
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?
One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
What do you get if you mix a dumb person with a donut?
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
Kinder Person Award goes to...
A blind man walks into a bar
And then a table...
And then a chair...
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?
Having sex with a deaf person is like assassinating someone
They won't hear you cumming
what is the sleepiest personality type?
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet
Space X has really taken off this past year
My wife told me, “You shouldn’t take it personally if people call you fat...”
...”You are much bigger than that.”
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
If a male person bursts into laughter...
... can he then be accused of manslaughter?
What do you call a smart gay person?
Batteries have split personalities
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
When a short person waves at you, it's called....
Every person you have ever met..
The person who invented Russian roulette
Person 1: “Will you follow me?”
Person 2: “No I’m gonna follow sleep.”
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
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