Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A____K
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person

Her actual word were β€œyou’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.

πŸ‘︎ 994
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...

I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?

The no-bell prize

πŸ‘︎ 380
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/makunahatata27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mclev91
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a horribly dressed person on a two wheeler and a nicely dressed person on a three wheeler?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/makunahatata27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?

I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym

It was the vending machine

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A chemist froze himself to -273.15Β°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,

I think he was 0K

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Niyi_M
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer

She said "This isn't working out."

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.

The person was unarmed.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I personally want to see Radigascar
πŸ‘︎ 393
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ETsUncle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.

I've just handed in my too weak notice.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".

I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."

"I'll find you....I have contacts."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Person to my dad β€œHow long have you been married?”

Dad: β€œ10 of the happiest years of my life”

(They’ve been married 43 years)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?

One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketsocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?

Because there was gold in them/their hills!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cleverusername531
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you mix a dumb person with a donut?

Donut ask me....

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/l19mxd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Hooker Furniture
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meow__meg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?

A quarterback.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Vettel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Kinder Person Award goes to...
πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_nikhil_anil_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A blind man walks into a bar

And then a table... And then a chair...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maidenHELL6669
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who can't hear?

You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HussainKegel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?

Champagne!

πŸ‘︎ 306
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boofaka
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Having sex with a deaf person is like assassinating someone

They won't hear you cumming

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qarasaq
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
what is the sleepiest personality type?

IN-PJ's

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/super_dab_boi_22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet

Space X has really taken off this past year

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Domundead
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me, β€œYou shouldn’t take it personally if people call you fat...”

...”You are much bigger than that.”

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SydneyCartonLived
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?

Income-plete.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lt_Matthew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.

I tick all the right boxes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?

A sighclops.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS

Married

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oakvard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble.

πŸ‘︎ 264
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If a male person bursts into laughter...

... can he then be accused of manslaughter?

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blan_Uator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a smart gay person?

Homogeneous

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/igottabluecoat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Batteries have split personalities

On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeaconOnAChairMC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
When a short person waves at you, it's called....

....a microwave.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Every person you have ever met..

Started off in-human.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The person who invented Russian roulette

Had a mind blowing idea

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Person 1: β€œWill you follow me?”

Person 2: β€œNo I’m gonna follow sleep.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PenguinMan3188
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report

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