I just learned Albert Einstein was a real person.
All this time i thought he was a theoretical physicist.
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person
Her actual word were “you’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office key.
Im gonna find you. You have my word.
And elon took that personally...
What's the difference between a horribly dressed person on a two wheeler and a nicely dressed person on a three wheeler?
What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?
I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.
A chemist froze himself to -273.15°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym
It was the vending machine
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer
She said "This isn't working out."
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
I personally want to see Radigascar
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."
"I'll find you....I have contacts."
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
I HATE HOW FUNERALS ARE ALWAYS AT 9AM
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
Person to my dad “How long have you been married?”
Dad: “10 of the happiest years of my life”
(They’ve been married 43 years)
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?
One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.
What do you get if you mix a dumb person with a donut?
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
Kinder Person Award goes to...
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?
what is the sleepiest personality type?
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet
Space X has really taken off this past year
My wife told me, “You shouldn’t take it personally if people call you fat...”
...”You are much bigger than that.”
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS
If a male person bursts into laughter...
... can he then be accused of manslaughter?
What do you call a smart gay person?
Batteries have split personalities
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
When a short person waves at you, it's called....
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
I'm not a dog person or a cat person. I'm both.
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
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