I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.

Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?

They won the Nobel prize.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oeco123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a non binary person kill someone?

They/them

πŸ‘︎ 316
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mauritsq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with epilepsy laying on a bed of lettuce?

A seizure salad

πŸ‘︎ 223
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I say β€˜Mucho’ to every Spanish person I meet...

Apparently it means a lot to them.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steakfrites88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A people person v.redd.it/o2zqb3o9nht61
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTriweeklyShow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I once fucked a person...

It's a banger story

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raaxen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just won an award for being the most secretive person of the year.

I can't tell you how proud that makes me.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoMoreDays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
You see a boat filled with people, but when you look closer you don't find a single person in it. Why?

Because everyone is married.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangerouslyawful
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a popular person who gets sick?

An influenza

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisvskris
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my antidepressants...

I hope you’re happy.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Canyouplzstop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person

I always thought he was only a theoretical physicist...

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chill-turtle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A____K
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve just been voted the most secretive person in the whole world

I can’t tell you how much this means to me

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve never been a watch person

But now I’ve got the time to be

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HJC777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a random person farts on a bunch of strangers?

A Mass Tooting

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Echos_myron123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Took me a while
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rajeevist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm not a competitive person

And I'll be the first to admit it

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pregnant person in a suit of armour?

Bump in the knight

πŸ‘︎ 165
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the person with muscle pain put their doctor through a Soda Stream?

Because they needed to see a fizzier therapist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukestoney
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"

"A person always wins!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
First time I met a blind person

I was touched

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the scale say to the person?

Weight here.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Incognitj0e
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Sent a letter addressed to β€œThe Smartest Person in the World”

I couldn’t believe it when I found it in my mail box with the words β€œReturn to Sender” stamped on it! It was me all along!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeSirJack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A person who likes to repost jokes on Reddit had a child who also reposted jokes on Reddit.

It's heREDDITary

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahaleck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
If a person doesn’t have to go to prison but has to see an officer every two weeks...

Do they have a probationship?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Holzbalken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person

Her actual word were β€œyou’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.

πŸ‘︎ 997
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
The only person who understands me has to be
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of person doesn't like pizza?

A weirdough!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PunkHaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Why should a poor person never become a comedian?

Because their jokes don’t make any cents

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StatusBrowser
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Who is the coolest person at the hospital

The ultra sound nurse

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cfcnotbummer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a Jewish person make tea?

Hebrews it

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Duckay_washere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What toy can a blind person never play with at the park?

The seesaw

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/munster1588
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of deaf people?

I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Not a single person.
πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whiskey_risky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stupid person who can’t understand punchlines?

&~€’eofijΒ£>~>£€£

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ARandomEggman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...

it would be a fully automatic machine pun.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I can prove that a person is the opposite of a box

If you are paid to drive a person in your car, you're in the livery business.

If you are paid to drive a box in your car, you're in the delivery business.

Q.E.D.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?

The no-bell prize

πŸ‘︎ 379
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/makunahatata27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Once a coin saved a person's life, the coin was in his shirt pocket, the coin deflected the bullet shot at him

The coin was truly his life savings

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetmemer4life
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A chemist froze himself to -273.15Β°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,

I think he was 0K

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Niyi_M
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate it when I see an old person...

....and realise we went to school together.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I got my own personal concierge today

It opened a lot of doors for me

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AFudgeBrownie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a non-binary person kill someone?

they / them

πŸ‘︎ 204
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I just learned Albert Einstein was a real person.

All this time i thought he was a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I learned that Albert Einstein was a real person

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsNotDalton
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Today I learned that Albert Einstein was a real person.

I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person

I thought he was a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WardensLantern
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...

I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report

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