A powerplant worker has a hook and rod submerged into a reactor. Coworker passes by:

How’s the fission, John?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them

Then one spine turns and says to the other β€œwe missed the bus!!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikoklis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to write a screenplay about a Hollywood director who camps out in the wilderness until the pandemic passes.

His name is Tentin’ Quarantino.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spsheridan
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad passes daughter a fruit tray

dad: Pear with fig make a great pair *wink wink*

daughter: go figure

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinkererJim
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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*passes rod of steel*
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysticaIMemes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What time is it? When a Fly passes a flea! Fly past flea..
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jypu2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my father if he could leave his guitar collection to my children when he passes

He said that's music to his heirs

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhaddaPizzaChit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
*Passes town cemetery* β€œWell, it looks like we’ve reached the dead centre of town”
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zac_george
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a droid passes gas?

An R2-D Toot

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctor-Smiles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a prostitute passes gas?

A prosti-toot!

πŸ‘︎ 319
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OKDokeComputer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend told me he got free backstage passes to see ZZ Top.

My first thought was how how how how?

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylemcg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a church and passes gas.

He sits in his own pew.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danmanx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Every time a police car passes with the sirens on

Dad: He's not going to sell many ice creams going at that speed!

cringeee

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GetVexed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Whenever my dad passes a graveyard

Dad:Do you know many dead people are in this grave yard? Me;uhh... 200? DAD:ALL OF THEM!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaq-attack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Parking Passes

I went to the transportation office at work with my coworker who was in need of a new parking pass. I don't drive to work, so I did not need to be there.

Parking Pass Attendant (to me): "Do you need a parking pass too?"

Me: "No thanks, I don't have a car."

Parking Attendant jokingly: "You should get one anyway and wear it around your neck"

Me: "I think wearing a car around my neck would get pretty heavy after a while"

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheesegator1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
🚨︎ report
Every time my dad passes a graveyard/cemetary

"Did you know we're driving by the dead centre of town?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TorpidCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
🚨︎ report
In Texas a car passes us with Superman sticker and a Colorado license plate.

I read license plate - "Where do you think he's from?"

Dad - "Well I think he's from Krypton."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheezy_fingers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Friend passes me some sachets of ketchup

"I'm experiencing packet loss"

^It's ^a ^networking ^term ^joke ^my ^friend ^dropped ^lastnight ^at ^maccas

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polkovniknades
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Time passes like gas...

silent but deadly!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DontPanicDent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
🚨︎ report
passe by a gravestone carving business

my dad points and says "wow, looks like business is dead"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquidManHero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
🚨︎ report
A powerplant worker has a hook and rod submerged into a reactor. Coworker passes by:

How’s the fission, John?

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report

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