Paint A Picture Puns

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

I thought it was a clever way to capture his licheness.

It’s a poor trait

So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like “bloody good luck” or “sorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!

Thanks in advance :)

This is fine.

We had been looking for ideas for a kids room.

She said "I can get behind this" (referring to the painting of the tree).

I said "you can? But, it's two dimensional..."

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

Glances at his watch, taps it, keeps walking and says "Still ticking. What a scam"

On a daily/hourly basis he reels them off. It's amazing. He also photoshops pictures (using Microsoft Paint, because he likes the challenge) of himself into various ridiculous and punny situations that might be the most comically genius things I've ever seen. If you're interested I'll find some for you guys.

We stopped by a stall selling paintings, tshirts, watches and all sorts of cheap tat but they all had pictures of Jesus printed on them.

I asked my Dad "what's with all the Jesus stuff?"

He replied "God knows" and let out a giggle

I was at my parent's place picking up my little munchkin, when my dad walks up grinning from ear to ear.

Dad: "Hey son, I came up with a new million dollar idea! Want to hear it?"
Me (already rolling eyes): "Sure let's hea--"

Dad: "Well you invent a device that lets you paint pictures on a TV with a remote control. You know, really explore your creativity!"

"I call it Mozart."

He then snorted and slapped his knee.

I'm chatting with my girlfriend's dad about his recent ice fishing trip when he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture of his ice fishing spot.

It is just a picture of the lake-ice with a black X spray painted onto it.

I look at him, confused at first but then I realized he was kidding with me.

I tell him that he is going to have a hard time finding it next year.

He responds "I know the ice is going to melt, that's why I took a picture"