property owners gone festive!
Seen on a dog owner's doormat
"Dog can't hold his licker."
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
Cello reunited with owner
Pet owner: "Vet , my birds are stuck together."
Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."
Aquarium owners never snitch
They’re good at keeping sea crits
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , “bury me with records galore”
It was his vinyl resting place
A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46
The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
Just dad joked the owner of my company
So I'm normally an electrician by trade, but work has been slow lately, so I've been helping one of his friends with some of the concrete work in a small housing development close to the shop. Well he came out and started talking to me about what I've gotten done since this morning, I told him and he goes "This is getting you great electrical experience!" I kinda laugh and reply back "Yeah, I'm learning all about grounding." He turned and walked away, but I about died laughing.
Car owner virus is the best kind of virus
I asked the shop owner if he could help me out
He said 'sure, which way did you come in'
What do you call a cute button, which on pressing norifies the house owner to open the door?
How did the bagel shop owner get rid of the competition on his block?
He ran a pretty intense schmear campaign
Not sure why my owner's manual tells me to rotate my tires?
They do it all the time when I'm driving.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
I received an email today from the owner of a German sausage processing plant, he said I could have it for only 1000€
I agreed and wired him the money. What’s the wurst that could happen?
Why should dog owners invest in tennis balls?
They have a high rate of return
Abandoned... so you could almost say the owner was sick of this ship.
What did the wig shop owner shout at the thief as they ran out of the store with one of the hair pieces?
Hey!! GET BACK HERE!!! You need toupeé for that!!
I went into a pet shop and told the owner that i want twelve bees
He handed me thirteen and said "last one is a freebie"
Why would Regina George and her Mean Girls be lousy dog owners?
Because fetch is never going to happen
What did the car rental owner said when the pandemic hit?
How'd the crematorium owner make all his money?
I asked for 12 bees at my local pet store. The owner gave me 13 bees. I said “you’ve given me 1 to many!” The owner said...
...”That one is a freebie!”
Despite being the owner of a very successful nutrition supplements company, my uncle has developed a deficiency
As an owner of a nightclub, I had small insects discourage unsavory types from entering my establishment...
Owner: The neighbours say you’ve been chasing people on bicycles!
Dog: They’re lying, I don’t even have a bicycle! 🐕 🚲
Why don’t laundromat owners ever win at poker?
Watch out for the candy shop owner...
He has some twix up his sleeve
I went to a donut shop and stole some donuts.... The owner said: donut come here ever again😔
Sad news today. The owner of Regal theaters died today.
His viewing is at 11:00, 1:30, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:00
What did the investor say to the Vegan Restaurant owner?
"I'd like to buy a steak in this restaurant"
I called my local aviary owner and asked if she had any water birds for my new backyard pond.
She told me she had a bad experience with some water birds and doesn't sell them anymore. I angrily told her that a real aviary owner would sell water birds too.
>!She said she and has no egrets.!<
I saw that a local dog owner drowned at sea last night
His good buoy couldn't save him.
My gay friend told me he wanted to be a better home owner, so I asked him...
I'm the proud owner of an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln...
I replaced the head once,and the handle twice, but it feels good to own a piece of American history.
Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try...
I was the owner of an origami business
Unfortunately we had to fold.
What did the dog say when the owner found one of three tumors?
Guess the name of the owner
I went into a pet shop and asked for 12 bees. The owner counted out 13 and gave them to me. I told him, "you gave me 1 too many." He responded...
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