property owners gone festive!
πŸ‘︎ 610
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotdamnitsolivia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Seen on a dog owner's doormat

"Dog can't hold his licker."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Cello reunited with owner
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Pet owner: "Vet , my birds are stuck together."

Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Aquarium owners never snitch

They’re good at keeping sea crits

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natsirTi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , β€œbury me with records galore”

It was his vinyl resting place

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46

The dog says, β€œbut I rounded them up.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Just dad joked the owner of my company

So I'm normally an electrician by trade, but work has been slow lately, so I've been helping one of his friends with some of the concrete work in a small housing development close to the shop. Well he came out and started talking to me about what I've gotten done since this morning, I told him and he goes "This is getting you great electrical experience!" I kinda laugh and reply back "Yeah, I'm learning all about grounding." He turned and walked away, but I about died laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnybanana88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Car owner virus is the best kind of virus
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the shop owner if he could help me out

He said 'sure, which way did you come in'

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herumdegumff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cute button, which on pressing norifies the house owner to open the door?

Adoorbell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inoobie_am
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the bagel shop owner get rid of the competition on his block?

He ran a pretty intense schmear campaign

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Not sure why my owner's manual tells me to rotate my tires?

They do it all the time when I'm driving.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/20jonboy12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...

"Don’t wok away from me!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I received an email today from the owner of a German sausage processing plant, he said I could have it for only 1000€

I agreed and wired him the money. What’s the wurst that could happen?

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should dog owners invest in tennis balls?

They have a high rate of return

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drmt23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Abandoned... so you could almost say the owner was sick of this ship.
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samerdown
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the wig shop owner shout at the thief as they ran out of the store with one of the hair pieces?

Hey!! GET BACK HERE!!! You need toupeΓ© for that!!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TACKYTUESDAY
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into a pet shop and told the owner that i want twelve bees

He handed me thirteen and said "last one is a freebie"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why would Regina George and her Mean Girls be lousy dog owners?

Because fetch is never going to happen

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Curmudgeon4life
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the car rental owner said when the pandemic hit?

That Hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nukey56
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How'd the crematorium owner make all his money?

He urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Credits to owner v.redd.it/fhcdw23u6mw31
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foodislouuu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked for 12 bees at my local pet store. The owner gave me 13 bees. I said β€œyou’ve given me 1 to many!” The owner said...

...”That one is a freebie!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seymour2112
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Despite being the owner of a very successful nutrition supplements company, my uncle has developed a deficiency

Ironic.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagnetCarter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
As an owner of a nightclub, I had small insects discourage unsavory types from entering my establishment...

They were my deter ants.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Owner: The neighbours say you’ve been chasing people on bicycles!

Dog: They’re lying, I don’t even have a bicycle! πŸ• 🚲

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t laundromat owners ever win at poker?

They always fold.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Watch out for the candy shop owner...

He has some twix up his sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuirkyLotad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a donut shop and stole some donuts.... The owner said: donut come here ever againπŸ˜”
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Sad news today. The owner of Regal theaters died today.

His viewing is at 11:00, 1:30, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:00

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingJiggaMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the investor say to the Vegan Restaurant owner?

"I'd like to buy a steak in this restaurant"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahThatWillDo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I called my local aviary owner and asked if she had any water birds for my new backyard pond.

She told me she had a bad experience with some water birds and doesn't sell them anymore. I angrily told her that a real aviary owner would sell water birds too. >!She said she and has no egrets.!<

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw that a local dog owner drowned at sea last night

His good buoy couldn't save him.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My gay friend told me he wanted to be a better home owner, so I asked him...

"What's a ner?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/veranov
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm the proud owner of an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln...

I replaced the head once,and the handle twice, but it feels good to own a piece of American history.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try...

My goldfish died!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I was the owner of an origami business

Unfortunately we had to fold.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the dog say when the owner found one of three tumors?

β€œTwo more”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Babyblu4321
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Guess the name of the owner
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cia0312
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into a pet shop and asked for 12 bees. The owner counted out 13 and gave them to me. I told him, "you gave me 1 too many." He responded...

That one is a freebie

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slntrob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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