He's not good with tigger-gnome-hat-trick equations.
It's a metro-gnome
Because he died on the toilet
are they called, "Placebo Flamingos"?
It was hooked on trees
Now I’m a NecGnomancer
It is very highly decorated.
T’ issue paper
The Decoration of Independence
Tinselitis.
Hood ornaments
Dad: "So is your tree going to be facing a wall?"
Me: "Yeah, a wall and a window"
D: "Put all your ornaments on the side facing the wall..."
M: "Go on."
D: "Then, you can tell all your friends that you have a balls to the wall Christmas tree."
D: giggles in success
"I was at a chess convention and the people were really annoying. They kept gloating about their achievements. I realized I was with chess nuts gloating in an open foyer."
http://i.imgur.com/VYE7sKx.jpg
A unicornament!
This was said last night in Target when we were getting ornaments. Boyfriend joke. It was a hit with the smalls.
Context: My brother made a forge this summer and mom kept the slag from his first firing. She's using it in a x-mas ornament present for him and we can't think of anything witty to write on it. If anyone can think of a good one, we'd love to hear it!
And then said "it's just a plain ornament. Get it? Because it doesn't have decoration but it's also a plane". I was pretty proud
The kids need shoes so we all get dragged to the store. The Christmas trees (already! for crying ou...) in the kids section has got "homemade" ornaments like these.
http://imgur.com/a/CTEuA
My oldest comes up to me and says "Hey daddy, it's a strawberry tree." and I'm like "Strawberry? come on, a blueberry tree at least." and then he goes "No, a STRAWberry, geddit, STRAWberry."
Yes, son. Wipes tear Yes I do geddit.
(He hands me an ornament of a small teddy bear in overalls) Me: where should I put this one? Him: how about right there? Me: yeah, that would be good Him: yeah that spot just looked a little bare Me: (looks at the little bear in my hand)(laughs uncontrollably for several minutes while daughter stares at us)
My friend was having a house party with about 15-20 of our group of friends. The music was pumping everyone was drunk , hyper and we were all in her living room having a great time. On top of the fireplace was this little elephant ornament.
So I gathered everyone around, turned the music off and made a big deal of making it seem like I had something really important to say. I completely killed the mood but all in the name of a good joke, amiright? I say, with as straight a face as I can manage, "Listen, I know we're all friends here but I think its time we all talk about the elephant in the room... It's right over there on the fireplace".
Cue groans and a few laughs. Mostly groans though... So worth it.
We had just finished setting up the tree, and she went through the ornaments picking out the ones she liked so I just went and sat on the couch.
While digging through the ornaments she came across a Nativity Scene ornament and exclaimed "Oh no! Jesus is missing!" to which I replied "Don't worry, just check again in three days."
My grandparents on my dad's side would always have my brother and I over for Christmas when we were younger (around when I was 5-10 and my brother was 9-14). They always had a little tree in addition to their big one. The small tree had a bunch of those stereotypical ornaments (round, plain, solid color) in a bunch of different colors. My brother and I would always have fun counting the number of a specific color of ornament separately, then comparing our answers. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again!
Anyway, just this last year (me being 18, my brother being 22), we reminded our grandfather of this. He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? I'll tell you if you're right."
We agreed, and got to it. We each counted 3 times separately, then compared, then decided to average them. We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa. After saying we weren't sure, we asked how many there were. He laughed and said "Darn, I don't know! I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to!"
Not that funny when retold, but it was hilarious then
Mom hangs up ornament on tree different ornament falls Mom: "My god this was not hung properly!" Dad: "Well at least I'm hung properly"
Today at work, my co-worker and I are decorating the group home we are working in for Christmas. As she finishes decorating the tree, she asks;
Her: The tree looks nice. I don't want to put the rest of the ornaments on it though, cause it'll look clutter. What should we do?
Me: Well... we can always deck the halls?
Followed by lots of laughing while she face palmed and walked out the room.
