Driving north through Texas can be quite an ordeal.

Once you reach the state limit, it's OK.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prlugo4162
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2023
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You can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water

If it sinks, it's girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2023
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If the Kavanaugh ordeal has taught us anything it's that the things you do in these college boys' clubs will follow you...

F'raternity

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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I've been having trouble sleeping lately. It's a frustrating ordeal, but let me assure you...

I won't rest until I've chugged all the Nyquil in the house.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twent4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2021
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A ship carrying red paint crashed into a ship carrying blue paint.

The crews were marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/This_1stheway
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2022
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Trial by Ordeal

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=3473

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drafterman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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A man was arrested for having 5 pounds of cocaine stashed in boxes of Lucky Charms.

The police found the whole ordeal as "magically suspicious".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2022
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Found a bargain, BOGO for paddles

It was an oar deal.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2017
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My Shake Weight came in the mail today!

Boy, was that a mess.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kopo27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2011
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A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.

Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.

A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!"

The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.

Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.

He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom."

She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you don't mind me asking..." she laughs, looking over his shoulder, "what was that all about?"

He glances back at the bar. "Yeah...sorry," he pants. "I wanted...to impress you, but...it turned out to be...a pretty cheesy...pig-cup line."

πŸ‘︎ 243
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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My wife was a captain in the Army Reserve. She told me she had a promotion and asked me to attend the ceremony. I don’t know much about the Army,

...but I understand this promotion was a major ordeal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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SMBC on dad jokes

I thought you might like it:

http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3473

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fstorino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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My local sports store had an overstock of boat paddles, so they decided to have a sale.

It was quite an ordeal.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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My housemate might be a dad

To annoy a female housemate we were flicking bits of sweetcorn at her hair. In response, she escalated the game and threw an orange into my face.

The only way i got through the ordeal was because of what another of my housemates said next. After a long silence, as im holding my face he says "..hell hath no fury like a woman corned".

πŸ‘︎ 817
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrotumbrella
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...

...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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My dad dropped this ones back in 2010 after those Chilean miners were rescued.

Us watching the news cast telling us they were rescued.

Dad: β€œWow that’s crazy. And even after that long ordeal they still can’t have any alcohol to celebrate.”

Me: (Wondering if it had to do medically with the length of time they were underground or the extreme depth.) β€œReally? Why?”

Dad: β€œBecause they are still miners”

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontbthatguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Moses and the Pharaoh

A long, long time ago in Egypt the Israelites were held as slaves. One day the evil Pharaoh passed a decree that no Israelite could cut the grass outside their house.

The grass grew and grew, covering the houses and making it quite an ordeal for the Israelites to go to work in the morning, which put a bit of a strain on the old pyramid building that was all the rage at the time. But Pharaoh didn't care and the edict still stood. No Israelite could cut the grass outside their home.

Eventually the elders had had enough and called upon Moses, who had a bit of a rapport with Pharaoh, being brought up together and all that jazz.

"Moses, you must convince Pharaoh to see sense and let us remove the grass from outside our homes!" they implored.

Moses nodded, picked up his staff and sought an audience with Pharaoh.

In the royal chambers, Moses approached Pharaoh. "Yes, Moses? How can I help?" asked Pharaoh.

Moses stood tall, stared deep into Pharaoh's eyes, raised his staff aloft, cleared his throat and with a booming voice said, "Pharaoh! Let my people mow!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grubbymitts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
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Froggy the Waiter

This isn't a joke that came from a dad or anything but I hope it's worthy!

My father started waiting in 1979 and took one of his first jobs at this extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. The type of place that the waiters wore tuxedos and whatnot. Anyways my dad worked with this guy named Froggy (nickname of course) whom my dad still praises to this day that he's one of the best waiters he's ever worked with.

Anyways, one night it's extremely busy and both my father and Froggy were rushing around trying to keep up. Well Froggy had this table with about 5-7 people all who looked like they wore expensive clothing, ordered the best food and so on. Well one of the guys ordered a baked potato as a side and Froggy proceeds with typical waiter stuff as asks if he wanted sour cream with his baked potato. The man says yes so Froggy scoops the cream and attempts to place it on the potato. Well... as he was moving to place it on, the cream slipped off and right onto this guys extremely expensive sweater... Completely in shock, the customer turns to Froggy and without missing a beat, Froggy slowly turns his head in a comical fashion towards the ceiling and proclaims "Those damn pigeons!"

Needless to say every single person in that table were crying with laughter, including my father one table over who observed the whole ordeal. Froggy said he'd pay for the dry cleaning and the customer said not to worry about it because it was the most hilarious thing he's seen in ages.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KickedInTheHead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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Trial by Ordeal

http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3473#comic

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyboth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2014
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Did you hear about the paddle sale?

It was quite the ordeal (oar deal).

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/encom81
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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