Butt willy?
What do you call a German who can’t see
A notsee
Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)
As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.
Right Guard
I prefer father figure
Take a gate it's more useful
His friend replied, "That would be a pain in the ass."
so I gave him tea.
It was, after all, a Capitol offense.
arTICKLE
You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major
Battery
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
He wanted to be naan-offensive.
Because there's a Colt snap!
“Dad, you can’t say ‘blacks’ someone might take offense!” “...It’s not a fence, it’s a gate.” Not his best thanksgiving day dad joke, but definitely not expected in the moment 😂
Apple Jews (Please don’t take this offensively I’m a dumb 12 year old)
Because you won't know where the edge of your garden is
I hate cancer
but it just won't fly here.
It was out of order.
I wasnt happy but i let it fly.
All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.
So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself “ooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”
So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, “Oh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”
The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts “tree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”
The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. “Well I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, “Ahhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping “bulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. “WELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”
The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman “Master, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”
The Irishman looks to the genie and says “oh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”
He doesn't get paid much, but at least he gets to keep all the tips.
But they’re just the wurst.
A Capital One
They only know dirty jokes.
http://i.imgur.com/HiikZ78.jpg
Re-pug-nant.
*screams internally*
She said, “Sorry, but not Sari.”
They were just Goff their game.
I snapped.
He was führer-ous
Only for young goats - then it's kidnapping.
