Don’t really know Y :/ (first post here)
“I’m NUTELLAn ya nothin!!”
“What’s a matter baby?”
“Nothin’ much, what’s a matter with you honey?”
He got his money for nothin, and his chicks for free
But there ain’t nothin to cut with.
Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.
Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.
Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!
After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.
The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.
Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.
BZZZZZZ
Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.
BZZZZZZ
Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.
Guard : "Excuse me um, J
... keep reading on reddit ➡My friend joined the Navy. He’s about five foot nothin. I asked him if he had to do anything when cover was yelled.
Because it’s nothin’ but a ‘G’ thing.
Thanks for nothin....
Ill show myself out
I was talking to my dad about my new job at McDonald's. While telling him about a customer who comes in every morning and always complains about their breakfast sandwich. My dad suggested:
"Next time he comes in, offer him an Egg Mc-nothin'!"
God....
got nothin but nyet.
My boss and a couple other employees were discussing how I came in even though I was sick and one employee, who is from the Ukraine said "I guess I dont get sick because I ha e better genes to handle the cold weather." My boss replied with "Well what are they? Levis?" We all had a giggle.
Later that very same day I delivered a bag to a post office which must've went out by mistake because it had zero items. When I was leaving the man who received the delivery said to me "Have a good day and thanks for nothin!"
Hair goes nothin'!
and we found a Schecter C1 with a natural wood finish and spent like an hour playing it, despite being in the middle of a room packed full of exotic guitars. I own a Schecter bass and through playing a few different models I have come to the conclusion that Schecter is the Valve of guitar manufacturers, but I'm not here to wax poetic about Schecters, I can do that on my own time.
Anyway, we went home afterwards and he posted a status on Facebook about it, which included the line
> ...and in a room full of hyperexotics, spent an hour metaphorically jerking off to a Schecter C1.
I replied with
>>metaphorically
and he came back with
>They don't call it a wood finish for nothin'.
Today is my father's birthday so naturally we wanted his grandson, my son to tell him happy birthday on the phone. For some reason he was being super quiet. I kept saying "Say happy birthday to Papa, say happy birthday" Nope, nothin, nada. I say again "Say happy birthday silence.....say anything"
My son "Anything"
He's going to be a great Dad
Me: I'm hungry can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Here, let me make you a grilled cheese.
(proceeds to open fridge, and take out the cheese)
Dad: GOD DAMNIT CHEESE,YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHIN. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET SOME WORK DONE TODAY. KEEP THIS UP AND YOU WONT BE HERE NEXT MONDAY...
I never got a sandwich.
Brother: there's nothin like hotdogs cooked on the grill
Grandma: there's nothing like anything cooked on the grill
Sis: actually, everything on the grill has one thing in common, it was cooked on the grill
Nothin' but a G string
I'm Thirst-E
and I'm here to say
I ain't had nothin' to drink
not a drop all day
.
.
.
everyday after school first thing she said and my rappin reply- my daughter wanted to kill me
