She claims it's the method her mother taught her (something about going against the grain)
They didn't Razor right.
(I am sorry if this was already covered on this sub, I haven't seen it here and I thought it was a good dad joke).
Everyone else will have to dress themselves.
I think it's because he really was poorly executed.
Aunt GiGi
"Copy that, Snipers Nightmare" I said
She told him "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
They just won’t pull out
“Go ahead! Knock yourself out!”
-
My boss harbours some kinda grudge against me.
-
He docks my pay because of it. Not to mention the constant pier pressure from my colleagues to nick things from the containers
But he was Nicholas.
Because somebody nicked his purse.
So we took the See-Nick-Route.
His execution could have gone a lot better.
I told him to sit at the picnic table.
I replied, "Well, I'm going to need to finish peeling if this is going into the fruit salad."
I came up with it in the Nick of time.
He nicked his carroted artery.
He asks the bank teller, Patty, for a loan. Patty explains that they don't usually offer loans to amphibians, but asks him if he has any collateral to offer. The frog thinks for a minute, then pulls out a strange medallion.
Patty has never seen anything like this before so, reluctantly, she goes to ask her boss about it. Reluctantly, because whenever he gets excited, her boss tends to get loud and slap people hard on the shoulder. She tells her boss about the frog, and shows him the medallion.
His eyes immediately light up he shouts "It's a nick-nack, Patty" WHACK "Give the frog a loan!"
... I always pick Nick.
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus! 🇨🇭
But he was so badly executed.
At his service I walked up to the mic, "I feel compelled to complete my dad's final joke: My dad died while looking at my mom and I am sure dad would have said 'If looks could kill.'"
They were talking and he just slumped over and died. They believe he had a clot and it just block his blood to his brain. My dad's nick name was Mr Jokester.
Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...
because I'm Nicholas.
(that's right! a joke only we can tell!)
Dad: hey you got a nickel?
Me: I'm afraid not
Dad: well I guess you could say you're... Nicholas.
Nick.
You could say I made this joke in a Nick of time...
If I earned a Nickle every time i've made this joke, i'd have one Nickle. As there's only one of me.
If I spent a Nickle every time I made this joke, i'd be Nicolas.
The Mom says "We're going to sit and eat some food in the park today and you can pick one friend to come"
The son replies "Cool... hmmm, who should I pick..."
The Mom say "Actually you can pick anyone except Nick, he's such a naughty boy"
The son pleads "Mom! I wanna pick Nick! I wanna pick Nick!"
Pan nick at the disc co.
I slammed my hand on the desk. "My son...Nick...came home from school with ash on his clothes. He seemed mildly stimulated, too."
"Nicotine?" he asked me.
I said, "Not even that, he's twelve."
It was a see-nick trail
I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.
Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.
But someone will tell me soon enough.
But he was Nicholas.
Pan Nick At the Disc Co.
I'll show myself the door.
