Barack Obama at our local church making continual β€˜Ding Dong’ noises.

I can see why he won the No peace Bell Prize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHotSouthWinds
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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PSA: if you receive an email with the subject ding dong. Whatever you do, don’t open it.

It’s the Jehovah’s witnesses working from home

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YellowSnow2807
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Dong. Ding Dong.

James Bond's doorbell.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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When redbull also gives you dings
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0-Ben-Dover-0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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What do you call a stick used to ding a bell?

A ding bat.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homevp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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When I say, "Ding dong." You say, "Aww."

"...why?" My girlfriend asked. "Because it's a-door-able!"

All I heard was groans as she walked out and closed the door.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePreissisRight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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He was talking about the ding-a-ling song (dads will get the reference)
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/someone5793
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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You know what's the wurst?

This sausage joke.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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What’s an impostor’s favorite breakfast?

Sus-age.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Foot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Took me a minute I can’t lie
πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...

She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...

Just in case there’s a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omniwrench-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Good boi Kraken
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebtcrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."

"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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What will happen if your kid comes out as a trans?

You become transparent

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkward_guy92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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How do you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?

One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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The archeologist thought he had dug up a full dinosaur

but it just was a fossil arm

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vagdryna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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This pretty much sums of every applicant we’ve seen at the shop....Nah, hostess
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tribelawn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What does a house wear?

Address

Edit: Wow! I never thought my first award would be for a dad joke. Thanks anonymous redditor.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/man_nowhere
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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What do you sing when a witch gets married?

Ding! Dong! The witch is wed!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AssCumBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What’s blue and not heavy

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SximplyAJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Her: I think we need to break up. I’m sick of your addiction to Burger King.

Me: Fine. Have it your way.

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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I'm starting up a festive business where I attach Christmas bells to men's neckwear..

Good Tie-dings to all men!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

right where it hertz.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychoCow1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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What did Elijah Wood name his shop that sells only bells?

Lord Of The Dings

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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How did Pavlov get such great hair?

He conditioned it

πŸ‘︎ 713
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Why is e scared of W?

Because White

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redditermination
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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What animal has the biggest boobs?
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rapper_Tim30
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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Mhm
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelonSupremacy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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What do you call an Expensive Bell Tower?

A Bill-Ding!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

....because freedom rings.

Edit: wow this is getting decent attention, Happy Brexit 1776 everyone!

Edit 2: top 50 all time on r/dadjokes and I'm not even a dad yet!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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My sister cross stitched this for me for Christmas.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/technologik14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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What makes a dad joke a good dad joke?

The father he goes, the more he's kid-ding.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dilborg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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My wife keeps trying to make me wear diapers

She’s got to be kid-ding me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RosselWestbrook
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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My daughter insists she is becoming a Southern Belle.

I told her she is my favorite ding-dong.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpazMasterK
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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knock knock

who's there?

The electrician to fix your doorbell

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyBlueCat
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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I’ll let you figure this one out
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slightleirabyss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My daughter received $46 cash in a birthday card

She commented, "that's an odd amount." I told her for being a math honors student, I would think she'd recognize that 46 is an even number.

She rated my comment a 6 out of 10 on the Dad joke scale.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoMaicanMeCrazy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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I got a letter saying I had to pay an overdue exorcist bill.

They said if I didn't, my house would be repossessed.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
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Someone asked me if I'd heard of Pavlov's dog.

I told him it rang a bell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbguy77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Just heard this dad call the local radio station...

This morning, a local radio station had trivia going on, in which the first correct caller would win a free dozen donuts at a local store.

Radio DJ: 20% of Americans have one of these in their home, and despite not working, have no plans of fixing them. First caller, you're up!

Dad: (without hesitation) Hello, I have the answer, I'm ready for the donuts!

Radio DJ: (laughs) What is the answer?

Dad: Teenagers!

Radio DJ: Next caller, you're up!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Margerita94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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Ding dong...

*Crickets*

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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How does James Bond’s doorbell introduce itself?

Dong. Ding Dong

πŸ‘︎ 259
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungytoaster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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