Thereβs a new mirror factory in town!
I can see myself working there
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︎ Feb 02 2021
The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
The town Iβm from just completed dredging a new river thatβs going to make travel a lot easier. Theyβre having a feast to celebrate! Itβs going to be called...
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︎ Jul 14 2020
Earlier today I was working on a new house in town...
I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the next day, and they were all gone. I decided to speak to the contractor, and when I told him about the posts, he said βOh, yeah. Thereβs tons of reposting on this site.β
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︎ Jul 17 2020
There is a new autopsy club in town and last night it was packed.
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︎ Jun 10 2020
Our townβs new cemetery is really popular
People are dying to get in
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Did you hear about the new vasectomy doctor in town?
His name is Howie snippem. Specialist in Circumcisions. He works for tips.
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︎ Feb 20 2020
A local town (Bulls, New Zealand) has signs with bull puns scattered across the town at points of interest.
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︎ Dec 17 2019
How do you call it when your previous wife moves to New York from a small town?
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︎ Mar 10 2020
I hear there's a new cemetery in town that's so nice, everyone is dying to get in.
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︎ Dec 09 2019
I see there's a new express coffee delivery service in town
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︎ Jan 16 2020
Did you hear about the new restaurant in town called Karma?
There is no menu. You get what you deserve.
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︎ Dec 29 2018
Thereβs a new Mexican restaurant in my town, and the owner has been bragging about it nonstop.
He can talk the talk, but can he guac the guac?
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︎ Aug 26 2019
I heard on the news there was a guy in town stealing the wheels off police cars
The cops are working tirelessly to catch him
(Got it from r/memes)
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︎ Oct 02 2019
What is the name of the new hearing clinic in town.
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︎ Feb 10 2019
The mayor of our town has begun construction of all new sidewalks.
Itβs nice to see a politician make good on a concrete policy proposal.
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︎ Jul 21 2019
My new bookends are the taco the town
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︎ Oct 10 2018
Did you hear about the new town Engagement Ohio?
Itβs going right in between Dayton and Marion.
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︎ Mar 19 2018
There's a new donut shop in town, and they deliver
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︎ Jan 25 2019
I heard a new detective is in town.
He Sherlocks his Holmes well.
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︎ May 13 2019
A new gang of wheelchair bikers have come into town...
They call themselves the Rampscallions.
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︎ Sep 14 2018
My town was trying to pave over the swamp in the middle of town for a new Kmart but the large water fowl with long beaks and a large throat pouches would not move...
They were a species of peliwon'ts.
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︎ Feb 07 2019
There's a cool new funeral home in my town.
Everybody's dying to get in there.
My dad actually produced this one yesterday. Happy Sunday.
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︎ Jul 17 2016
The dynamite factory in my town is hiring new workers
I guess business is booming
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︎ Aug 23 2018
I thought my kids would be nervous about trying the new Indian restaurant in town...
but they had no reservations
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︎ Apr 06 2018
We're having some tree surgeons take town some trees at our new house...
I asked my dad "When are the tree fellers coming?"
He replied "Monday, but I'm not sure if it'll be tree fellers, there might be four."
He said it with a stone-cold serious tone, whilst poking around on his ipad. The best sort of delivery for that sort of joke.
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︎ Aug 10 2015
My mom and I were talking about new tennis courts in our town...
She drew the layout, and each side had four courts. She said, "We're going to have the courts like, this: a court here, a court here-" Then my dad says, "So, if you have four quarts, will you have a gallon?"
My dad and I were the only ones laughing, and my mom says, "Don't laugh at his joke, swingingsalmon."
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︎ Nov 25 2015
Sent my dad down to the new sensory clinic in town
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︎ Jun 25 2017
Have you tried the new restaurant in town, called Neptune?
Food is good, service is quick but it feels like there's no atmosphere.
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︎ Aug 23 2016
So someone came to our door asking for money. He was fundraising a new pool in town.
"Dad, there's a guy at the door collecting for the new pool"
Dad: "Just give him a glass of water"
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︎ Apr 13 2016
I went to the new air and space museum that just opened up in my town!
I don't recommend it though, there's nothing in it.
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︎ Sep 25 2015
Did you guys hear about the new cemetery in town?
People are just dying to get in there
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︎ May 03 2019
Did you hear about the new cemetery in town?
People are dying to get in.
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 11 2019
Have you heard about the new cemetary in town?
People are just dying to get in there.
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︎ Mar 20 2016
So they are building a beautiful new funeral home in my home town...
Apparently people are just dying to get in.
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︎ Aug 09 2015
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