A new Egyptian undertakers have opened up in town. Their motto....
"Satisfaction Guaranteed....Or Your Mummy Back."
I learned something new about cemeteries; the people in its town aren't the ones being buried there. Do you know why?
It's because they're still alive.
Today, on the news, there was an incident in my town where a city bus lost control and landed on top of a house. No one was killed and the city is paying all passengers.
I guess you can say the bus ride was on the house.
There’s a new mirror factory in town!
I can see myself working there
The new funeral home in town will not let me view my loved ones before their burial, sadly.
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
The town I’m from just completed dredging a new river that’s going to make travel a lot easier. They’re having a feast to celebrate! It’s going to be called...
Earlier today I was working on a new house in town...
I was in charge of the fencing. The construction site was almost finished, and it was only this and the landscaping remaining. I did the first couple posts, but then I went to lunch, and when I came back, they were gone. I did as much as I could until the day ended, and I went home. I came back the next day, and they were all gone. I decided to speak to the contractor, and when I told him about the posts, he said “Oh, yeah. There’s tons of reposting on this site.”
There is a new autopsy club in town and last night it was packed.
Our town’s new cemetery is really popular
People are dying to get in
Did you hear about the new vasectomy doctor in town?
His name is Howie snippem. Specialist in Circumcisions. He works for tips.
A local town (Bulls, New Zealand) has signs with bull puns scattered across the town at points of interest.
I hear there's a new cemetery in town that's so nice, everyone is dying to get in.
I see there's a new express coffee delivery service in town
Did you hear about the new restaurant in town called Karma?
There is no menu. You get what you deserve.
There’s a new Mexican restaurant in my town, and the owner has been bragging about it nonstop.
He can talk the talk, but can he guac the guac?
Did you hear about the new town Engagement Ohio?
It’s going right in between Dayton and Marion.
What is the name of the new hearing clinic in town.
I heard on the news there was a guy in town stealing the wheels off police cars
The cops are working tirelessly to catch him
(Got it from r/memes)
My new bookends are the taco the town
There's a new donut shop in town, and they deliver
The mayor of our town has begun construction of all new sidewalks.
It’s nice to see a politician make good on a concrete policy proposal.
A new gang of wheelchair bikers have come into town...
They call themselves the Rampscallions.
I heard a new detective is in town.
He Sherlocks his Holmes well.
There's a cool new funeral home in my town.
Everybody's dying to get in there.
My dad actually produced this one yesterday. Happy Sunday.
The dynamite factory in my town is hiring new workers
I guess business is booming
I thought my kids would be nervous about trying the new Indian restaurant in town...
but they had no reservations
We're having some tree surgeons take town some trees at our new house...
I asked my dad "When are the tree fellers coming?"
He replied "Monday, but I'm not sure if it'll be tree fellers, there might be four."
He said it with a stone-cold serious tone, whilst poking around on his ipad. The best sort of delivery for that sort of joke.
My mom and I were talking about new tennis courts in our town...
She drew the layout, and each side had four courts. She said, "We're going to have the courts like, this: a court here, a court here-" Then my dad says, "So, if you have four quarts, will you have a gallon?"
My dad and I were the only ones laughing, and my mom says, "Don't laugh at his joke, swingingsalmon."
Sent my dad down to the new sensory clinic in town
Have you tried the new restaurant in town, called Neptune?
Food is good, service is quick but it feels like there's no atmosphere.
So someone came to our door asking for money. He was fundraising a new pool in town.
"Dad, there's a guy at the door collecting for the new pool"
Dad: "Just give him a glass of water"
I went to the new air and space museum that just opened up in my town!
I don't recommend it though, there's nothing in it.
Did you guys hear about the new cemetery in town?
People are just dying to get in there
Did you hear about the new cemetery in town?
People are dying to get in.
Have you heard about the new cemetary in town?
People are just dying to get in there.
So they are building a beautiful new funeral home in my home town...
Apparently people are just dying to get in.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
