I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...

"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A net loss to the community...

https://preview.redd.it/etjneuh87qe61.jpg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a43ed23f6164c205e69659f2949861fff21d7c0f

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of net catches metal?

A magnet.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock, a net, and two rackets!

Bad Minton!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."

"That's the goal at least."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That's one expensive net

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LupinDaThird777
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I met my wife on the net

We were both bad trapeze artists

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A pun-net punnet square
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pixl8er
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Son tied a fist toy to my fishing net

I dont get the punchline but he's smiling

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my dad went fishing and didn’t lose any gear. However we found a free net.

I guess you could say it was a net gain

Based on a true story

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pancakesnarfer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What has 4 eyes, 4 legs, 3 beaks and a net?

Four pirates looking for a lost parrot

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If you cut a hole in a net....

If you cut a hole in a net, the net has less holes

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/judewijesena
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever wonder, "what's my net worth?"

I'd guess that it's less than you paid for it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/refward
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
He knew he'd be pun-ished for his choice. http://explosm.net/comics/3853/
πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtDansBedPan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a pirate's favorite PokΓ©mon?

Arrrrrrrrrbok

My son made this up and I've never been more proud!

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toobs623
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I became a professional fisherman...

But discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Net fix and chill imgur.com/q3wWcDu
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digdilem
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
EXTREMELY proud of my 5 year old son for this uninentional one:

Son: Dad...we need a net.

Me: Why?

Son: To catch our flight.

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Net fix and chill
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pottsie03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺAn evil French chef mixes Kryptonite in their treats and flings them at Superman. Batman arrives on the scene but does nothing, allowing Jimmy Olsen to catch the pastries in a net, at which point Superman saves the day. It’s like they say:

Not all heroes snare crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atruthtellingliar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one was dead sirius.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
*Cries in valentine's day*
πŸ‘︎ 738
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A trapeze artist was performing without a net...

'cuz Annette had called in sick that day.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Some punny jobs

WORKING ON A JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTMOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You and your wife are playing hockey and she shoots

She Mrs. the net!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asadleafsfan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I am worth nothing...

I paid off all my debt so now my net worth is $0 :D

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the definition of β€˜a net’?

Holes tied together with string.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A fisherman brought in a catch of fish so large it broke his net.

He made a good bit from selling the fish, but unfortunately it was a net loss.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LgomaFxdou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.

They argued it was an act of cod.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegsAJimbo
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm exhausted after running around collecting the first 25 letters of the alphabet in a net...

I need to catch some Zs.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2017
🚨︎ report
figured I'd christen my first graphics tablet with a pun for the net
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/booneruni
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard that Ben bishop isn’t so good in the net

I guess he can only move diagonally

(Courtesy of my dad while watching the Dallas Stars game)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primusmulti
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
All this talk of net neutrality has me worried...

How am I supposed to catch fish now?

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellzdoms
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Nothin but net.. gear imgur.com/mxgzgJe
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thilosavage
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2015
🚨︎ report
In science class we were trying to put up a badminton net and no one seemed to understand how. It’s not like it’s rocket science

It’s Racket science!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InkleDoO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad make a joke when I was playing PokΓ©mon Shield with him

We went past a Garbodor and I told my Dad, β€œHey it’s a Garbodor!” He then says β€œI don’t like it. That PokΓ©mon is trash.”

this is the PokΓ©mon

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Can't believe we lost net neutrality

all thanks to ashit pie

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hog333
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Trapeze artists who plan to remove their safety net...

have intense intents in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bentup85
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Atoms/molecules with a net electric charge?

Ion know about that chief.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xhenryxx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Honestly I woudden't lead someone else steel this pun
πŸ‘︎ 496
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1_hele_euro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I always wanted to follow my dear Dad as a commercial fisherman..

But his Net income always put me off.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my fisherman friend, β€œHow much money do you make for your catch?”

He said, β€œI don’t discuss my .....net worth.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad: Calm down about this net neutrality thing . . .

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lostinasense
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are net sports the holiest of the sports?

Because each point starts with a service.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

Thatβ€˜s a really expensive net!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okkani
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman

But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehFuriousKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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