Son: "Dad, did you see pictures of that guy at the Capitol stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium? That's domestic terrorism!"

Dad: "Wrong, son. He was just taking a political stand."

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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What do you call a woman named Nancy who is carrying a child?


πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Nancy Pelosi made the most epic dad joke in front of the entire nation.

She thought the State of the Union speech was tearable.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/kikasphalt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Why doesn't Nancy Pelosi use shampoo

Because the bottle says it's tear free.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/Memes_Smell_Fun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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What do you call it when Nancy is expecting a baby?


πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Just_a_Sloth_Here
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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There's Negative Nancy... Debbie Downer... Chatty Cathy... but where did Peeping Tom come from?

In the bushes, outside the window.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybaby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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Did you see Trump's speech last night?

Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.

πŸ‘︎ 235
πŸ‘€︎ u/marvin_sirius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Why did the duck get arrested?

For selling quack.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blamo_Whamo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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What do you call a polarizing couple?

Negative Nancy and Positive Pete.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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My wife had the best dad joke of the year.

Obligatory formatting from cell phone sorry.

Series of events that unfolded.

Laying in bed with wife she rips the tag off her pillows and says

Wife: I’ve been meaning to do this β€œbye-bye”

Me: geez Nancy pelosi

Wife : points at pillow it’s pillowsi.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skat_o_Mancer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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The greatest prank call I ever pulled off

I was an ER tech in a fairly busy inner city hospital for a few years. On one unusually slow night, around 3am, I called up to labor and delivery from an outside line. The conversation went like this:

"Labor and Delivery Nancy speaking"

"Hi I have an unusual problem and I am hoping you can help me."

"OK what can I do for you?"

"Well a couple weeks ago my wife and I had a baby boy who was born with an extremely rare condition. You see, he was born without eyelids."

"Oh my goodness!"

"Yes. Well at your hospital there they tried a new experimental treatment. They used the foreskin from his circumcision to create eyelids for him. Have you heard about this procedure?"

"OH MY GOD! No! I haven't!"

"Well everything was going great and he seemed to be healing well but when he woke up this morning, he looked a little cockeyed..."




πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurnTheTVOff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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This was my father's text to me this morning concerning Harrison Ford.

Him: Harrison Ford injured in crash landing of a piece of junk. Wondering if special modifications were contributing factor. Inquired about Chewbacca's condition. Nancy assured me this was a solo flight.

Me: you're the devil.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/dsubandbeard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
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Obama is a dad

From a Dallas fundraiser this week: β€œ[Nancy Pelosi] is tough, she is smart, and she has a heart as big as Texas β€” even though she’s from California,” said Obama, who opened his remarks by saying, β€œI’m not running for reelection. Not just because of the Constitution but also because of my wife.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/TelegramAHologram
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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