Nancy Puns

Preg-Nancy.

She thought the State of the Union speech was tearable.

Because the bottle says it's tear free.

Speaker of the house

Pregnancy...

In the bushes, outside the window.

Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.

For selling quack.

Negative Nancy and Positive Pete.

Obligatory formatting from cell phone sorry.

Series of events that unfolded.

Laying in bed with wife she rips the tag off her pillows and says

Wife: I’ve been meaning to do this “bye-bye”

Me: geez Nancy pelosi

Wife : points at pillow it’s pillowsi.

I was an ER tech in a fairly busy inner city hospital for a few years. On one unusually slow night, around 3am, I called up to labor and delivery from an outside line. The conversation went like this:

"Labor and Delivery Nancy speaking"

"Hi I have an unusual problem and I am hoping you can help me."

"OK what can I do for you?"

"Well a couple weeks ago my wife and I had a baby boy who was born with an extremely rare condition. You see, he was born without eyelids."

"Oh my goodness!"

"Yes. Well at your hospital there they tried a new experimental treatment. They used the foreskin from his circumcision to create eyelids for him. Have you heard about this procedure?"

"OH MY GOD! No! I haven't!"

"Well everything was going great and he seemed to be healing well but when he woke up this morning, he looked a little cockeyed..."

"..........."

"COCKEYED!"

<click>

Him: Harrison Ford injured in crash landing of a piece of junk. Wondering if special modifications were contributing factor. Inquired about Chewbacca's condition. Nancy assured me this was a solo flight.

Me: you're the devil.

From a Dallas fundraiser this week: “[Nancy Pelosi] is tough, she is smart, and she has a heart as big as Texas — even though she’s from California,” said Obama, who opened his remarks by saying, “I’m not running for reelection. Not just because of the Constitution but also because of my wife.”