He then looks at me and says "marital navigation, Nagigation".
So my mum nags me a lot and before we were going out she told me to put my socks on and i got pissed off so i said "you don't need to tell me to put my fucking socks on". then my dad comes out with "no just put your regular socks on.
I herd you!
I keep telling him it’s getting old
He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.
His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then asks "What on earth is this thing, and how this supposed to help your depression?".
"Honey, the doctor told me working on this should have me feeling better in no time!" replies the man. He then proceeds to describe in detail how the machine cracks eggs, steams them, and flips them out onto a plate in under a minute, all at the touch of a button.
"But what on earth does this have to do with your depression? What did that quack doctor tell you to do?" asks the wife
The man replies: "He told me to work on my self egg-steam".
Husband, "legally a brother and sister can't get married"
I told him, “Turn right at the next corner.”
I re-Lent-ed
Don't be an eh sayer
I thought "here we gooooOOOOO"
You could say he was out standing in his field
So I angrily got up and flipped the bird
Don't worry, I'll Handel it and be right Bach!
We’ve all beignet before, amiright?
Go ahead, prove me wrong
Glad-he-ater
My wife was not happy when I got home and told her I needed to start job hunting
You're only looking to get your ass kicked.
In the end, he gave in.
Water-tight bundles of untraceable drug-dealer cash.
Lost somewhere on the beach between West Palm Beach and Nag's Head, NC.
Also, loose pirate treasure of gold or silver.
Sentimental value. Small reward offered.
Egg Nag Champa.
After getting nagged for swearing I say "Times have changed." My dad replies with "You're right, it's daylight savings."
Googled anagram and Google asked "Did you mean nag a ram?"
My dad is a night owl and my mum is an early bird, meaning he has a good few hours to plot and scheme his dadjokes...
Well the other evening, he decided to scare the living daylights out of my mum by drawing a face on a melon, stuffing it in a hoodie with rubber-gloves, shoes and jeans and posed it in our morning room.
Now my mum gets up real early, and walks around the house in a grumpy daze, grumbling, scratching and squinting and whatnot with a grim face looking for something to nag about, so you can imagine the sheer pride he (probably) felt wrapped up in bed with that dumb dadjoke grin from his "Hilarious prank", to hear a loud "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" coming from across the hall.
Needless to say i'm pretty sure she found something to nag about that morning.
He then said "nag nag nag nagnag nag nag nagnag nag"
I replied "The old one was nagging me too much"
Preface: My dad, mom, and I went out to eat mexican food. Like we usually do, we order a huge platter of nachos and demolish the whole thing. Surely we are full even before our main course arrives. We all ordered combination platters that consisted of, burritos, enchiladas, and tacos which were overflowing with lettuce that no one except for my mom wanted to eat. My mom kept on nagging my dad and I to eat the lettuce so that it would lighten us up and make us feel less full:
Mom (for the 10th time): You boys should eat your lettuce. Come on now.
Me: Mom lettuce be!
Immediately my mom cringed and groaned, while my dad, after repeating the joke, gave a hearty chuckle.
Change my mind.
Nothing actually starts with an N and ends with a G.
