The only thing I learned in high school was how to multiply...
and I have eleven kids to prove it.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Feb 25 2019
Choose any number between 2 and 8. Multiply by 4, and then add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
π︎ 35
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︎ Apr 14 2020
The term "caps" is not valid unless you multiply this...
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 15 2020
Sex is a lot like maths...
You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply.
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︎ Feb 03 2021
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied itβs area by two, what would you get?
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 06 2019
You matter. That is, until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared...
π︎ 34
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︎ Jun 24 2019
When making a talking point, always multiply length by width by height...
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 22 2019
Houseflies are arithmetic-whizzes.
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︎ May 01 2020
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.
So Noah asked them, βWhy arenβt you multiplying?β
The snakes replied, βWe canβt, weβre adders.β
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︎ Apr 28 2019
My math teacher says I need to use "multiply".
Why does she care what kind of toilet paper I use? I can't afford that expensive fancy stuff!
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︎ Dec 19 2016
What do mathematicians do in the restroom?
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Where's the best place to multiply exponents to the second power?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 02 2019
The floods had subsided, and Noah had safely landed his ark on Mount Sinai. "Go forth and multiply!" he told the animals...
...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.
Then he heard something he didn't recognise⦠a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.
"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"
"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders⦠so we have to use logs."
π︎ 25
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︎ Feb 01 2018
And god said go forth and multiply... except for snakes
Because theyβre adders...
π︎ 25
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︎ Aug 05 2018
What do you get when you multiply milk and cheese?
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 03 2018
What's 5q + 5q?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Puns make me numb
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︎ Dec 16 2019
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Foiled it.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Aug 15 2017
At my church, every Sunday we eat apples and work on math problems.
Because God said to be fruit-full and multiply.
π︎ 27
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︎ Mar 04 2020
A pound of bricks weighs more than a pound of feathers
In America you can buy a square foot of bricks for around $8.50. There are 7 bricks in a square foot, meaning you are buying each brick for about a $1.21. Today one dollar is 0.75 pounds, so $1.21 is about 0.92 pounds, meaning for a full pound you can buy 1.087 bricks for about a pound. Each brick weighs 5 pounds, which means 1.087 bricks weighs 5.435 pounds. Now on the other hand you many buy 48 feathers for one dollar in America , considering that one dollar is 0.75 ponds, you could buy 64 feathers. with one pound. Each feather weighs around 0.0003 ounces, which multiplied by 64 is 0.0192 ounces , which is 0.0012 pounds. 5.435> 0.0012. There you have it a pound of bricks weighs more than a pound if feathers .
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 14 2019
So my dad just emailed me this.
If you have a pizza with radius 'z' & height 'a', its volume is pi*z*z*a.
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︎ Oct 19 2016
When was multiplication invented?
A long time ago. Adam and Eve were the first to multiply.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 18 2019
Hoo hoo hoo honey
π︎ 12
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︎ Aug 12 2018
How do you make toilet paper have more layers?
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 13 2019
What's a mathematician's favorite type of toilet paper?
π︎ 27
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︎ Aug 12 2019
What's in the middle of the Olympic sprinter's hyphenated last name?
a 100 meter dash.
Edit:
Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.
π︎ 277
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︎ May 10 2016
Want to hear a bunny joke?
Great! Because even doe they're coney, I'm a rabbit fan of a really bunny jokr. Sorry if it bugs you, but they make me hoppy and I hope they multiply.
I'm all ears whenever I hare one, br'ers nothing better. If I had burrowed a buck fur every one that's cotton me to chuckle I could buy a 10 carrot ring just in case my brother Jackelopes.
Shoot, I can't remember what the joke was now...
Oh well, Lettuce leaf it there, I've got to bounce over to IHOP for lunch.
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 07 2019
I was never really good at maths.....
There's just something about subtraction that doesn't add up.
π︎ 56
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︎ May 07 2018
Why are amoeba bad at maths?
Coz they multiply by dividing.
π︎ 27
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︎ Jun 12 2019
What subject do Sex Ed teachers teach?
Math, because they teach you how to multiply
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 18 2019
I just heard my little sister ask my dad if he knows her friend Addi...
He said he didn't but asked if she had a sister named Subtracty
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︎ Jun 15 2017
Why do bunnies always major in Math?
Because theyβre good at multiplying.
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 31 2019
So i matched with an accountant on a dating site...
And I asked her how she liked her job.
Her (paraphrased) reply: "I love it, what's great about working with numbers is that there's always a right answer."
Me: "I love it when everything adds up."
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 17 2016
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
π︎ 55
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Choose a number between 1 and 10. Now multiply it by 2, add 3, and subtract 7. Close your eyes.
π︎ 89
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︎ Dec 27 2018
βThink of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply by 7. Add 2. Now close your eyes.β
π︎ 388
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︎ Feb 16 2018
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiplyβ¦
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.
So Noah asked them,βWhy arenβt you multiplying?β
The snakes replied, βWe canβt, weβre adders.β
π︎ 36
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︎ Aug 24 2017
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt worry about him. Heβs just a product of our times.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jul 20 2019
You matter
Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light ...
... then you energy.
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Sex is like math
You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply
π︎ 342
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︎ Oct 28 2018
Do you know how to calculate the volume of a pizza with a radius of Z and a thickness of A?
π︎ 13
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︎ Jan 30 2019
You matter...
...until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 15 2019
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