He just didnβt cut it.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
βWhy?β she asked.
βBecause thatβs what makes it beautiful.β
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
Son : Please don't Dad: Now hes Lawn gone
Told my wife, "I hope I don't have any flash backs to Bee-ietnam"
My stuff is out on the street
Iβm afraid that wonβt cut it.
They have a rough job.
Cleanup is a breeze.
He just couldn't cut it.
Time to baguette.
DAD: "Man, I am dizzy from mowing the lawn"
ME: "Drink some water and lay down, it's hot out there!"
DAD: "Go look at the lawn" wink
He mowed the lawn in a giant circle pattern... The circumferences that man will go for a joke
β’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
β’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure youβll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
β’ you change your carβs oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
β’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
β’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
β’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
Worked my grass off.
...I just couldnβt cut it π€¨
She said: "Stop beating around the bush and get to it!"
It was very much gay mower
The top.
I had to cut it short.
βWow!β I said. βWas it some big corporation?β
βNo.β He replied, βI mowed the lawn in the cemetery.β
it was mow-stly complete
I didn't realize I was cutting it close.
βIβd like to be that rich one dayβ. Says Billy.
βWhat, buy new turf?β Asks Shamus.
βNo, send my grass away to be mowedβ. Replies Billy.
My dad shouted at me from the balcony and said "If you cut off your legs mowing that lawn, don't you come running to me".
I just wasnβt cutting it.
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.
Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
Multiple tornado warnings in south central Wisconsin where I live and my dad's first response is "We better not have a tornado. I just mowed the lawn, I don't want my house's debris all over it."
Cause they're free of charge
A mow-hawk
A young man named James came to tend to the lawn at the beach house.
He was mowing in a circular fashioned around the yard and though he attempted to do the rest by hand, he didnβt fare very well.
I supposed you could call it a quasi-mowed O.
Neighbor Dad 2: Thatβs on a need to mow basis.
Me: Baking a cake this morning. Husband coming in from mowing: OMG how did it get to be 3:50 already!
He tractor down.
This thing...? Yeah, it flies! It's a Mowing 747.
While I was putting away the lawnmower right as the sun was setting.
"Daddy, good thing you mowed fast, or it would be dark!"
"That's right honey, I never could have finished if I moved in slow-mow"
My wife threw a tomato at me from the garden.
It was blind mowing.
Dad: Take my advice ...
...I'm not using it βββββββββββββββ
Every time my step Dad comes up with a foolproof solution..
along comes a more-talented fool
..dad
βββββββββββββββ
When I married Ms. Right...
I had no idea her first name was Always.
βββββββββββββββ
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test
The other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
βββββββββββββββ
He who laughs last
...thinks slowest.
βββββββββββββββ
Women sometimes make fools of men
...but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
βββββββββββββββ
I was going to give her the nasty look
..but she already had one.
βββββββββββββββ
Change is inevitable
...except from a vending machine.
βββββββββββββββ
The grass may be greener on the other side
...but at least you don't have to mow it.
- [ ]
Protesters surrounded the building shouting: "Re-member the Al who mowed!"
so I pointed and said "Where everybody knows your mane."
Ya know that mouthwatering hunger you get when you smell the meat cooking on the BBQ. I wonder if vegetarians get the same feeling when they mow the lawn.
A long, long time ago in Egypt the Israelites were held as slaves. One day the evil Pharaoh passed a decree that no Israelite could cut the grass outside their house.
The grass grew and grew, covering the houses and making it quite an ordeal for the Israelites to go to work in the morning, which put a bit of a strain on the old pyramid building that was all the rage at the time. But Pharaoh didn't care and the edict still stood. No Israelite could cut the grass outside their home.
Eventually the elders had had enough and called upon Moses, who had a bit of a rapport with Pharaoh, being brought up together and all that jazz.
"Moses, you must convince Pharaoh to see sense and let us remove the grass from outside our homes!" they implored.
Moses nodded, picked up his staff and sought an audience with Pharaoh.
In the royal chambers, Moses approached Pharaoh. "Yes, Moses? How can I help?" asked Pharaoh.
Moses stood tall, stared deep into Pharaoh's eyes, raised his staff aloft, cleared his throat and with a booming voice said, "Pharaoh! Let my people mow!"
I'm coming up with "punny names" for 3 different services. Yard work, Babysitting, and dogwalking. So far, all I have is "Patty O's lawn mowing service"
I need two of each. Thanks!
