Motorways Puns

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

The M9 Shyamalan

The police say they don't know what to make of it.

......everything was covered in debris

I said, "Technically, they're all outside lanes."

They spotted people trying to sell a bike, or as the narrator says:
"peddling a stolen bicycle".

The police say they're taking steps to remove them.'

Can't beat a good police dadjoke.

If 10 Nissan leafs have a pile up on the motorway is that a autumnmoblie accident?

The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.

Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.

Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.

And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.

The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.

The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.

The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.

"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.

"Why not?"

"He's a cycle path".

Mum and I are driving home on the motorway and the traffic is awful. I call dad to let him know...

"Hey dad, won't be home for a while, still crawling down the M32 at the moment."

"Well, don't you think you'd go faster if you got back in the car?"

Sigh

Takes from a WhatsApp group chat-

Mum: Running late bus has broken down on the motorway.

Dad: You should have taken the car.

We're driving on the French motorway and my mum says: "We're just coming up to payage" Me: "Who's arge?"

Next time she remembered to say 'a payage' to prevent me from repeating it :(

A friend and I are driving along the motorway and I note about how tall a Hovis (bread bakers) lorry is.
Friend poses the question "I wonder why they need such a tall lorry?"
Without pausing I answer "Because bread rises!"

Back when I was in my teen years and had just started having to shaving my dad would always joke about. It whenever we where out driving on the motorway going: Allan did you shave today? knowing I hadn't. Me: no, why? Dad: Well just stick your head out the window and get a quick shave then!