The local motorway has become blocked after a lorry shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

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📅︎ Sep 29 2019
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What do you call a motorway with a lot of twists and turns

The M9 Shyamalan

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📅︎ Aug 17 2019
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A lorry carrying LEGO bricks overturned on the motorway.

The police say they don't know what to make of it.

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📅︎ Oct 19 2018
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A cheese lorry just crashed on the motorway......

......everything was covered in debris

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👤︎ u/Anassis
📅︎ Jun 10 2019
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"I'm going to move into the outside lane," said my wife, while driving on the motorway.

I said, "Technically, they're all outside lanes."

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Dec 10 2018
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Watching Motorway Cops (British version of COPS)

They spotted people trying to sell a bike, or as the narrator says:
"peddling a stolen bicycle".

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📅︎ Jan 26 2017
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From the radio traffic report: 'A lorry carrying ladders has crashed on the M6 motorway just south of manchester, and the cargo has spilled onto the road ....

The police say they're taking steps to remove them.'

Can't beat a good police dadjoke.

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👤︎ u/8979323
📅︎ Feb 08 2017
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Autumn leafs

If 10 Nissan leafs have a pile up on the motorway is that a autumnmoblie accident?

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📅︎ Sep 07 2020
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(UK) A B-road walks into a bar.

The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.

Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.

Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.

And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.

The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.

The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.

The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.

"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.

"Why not?"

"He's a cycle path".

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📅︎ Mar 03 2020
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In the car with mum when...

Mum and I are driving home on the motorway and the traffic is awful. I call dad to let him know...

"Hey dad, won't be home for a while, still crawling down the M32 at the moment."

"Well, don't you think you'd go faster if you got back in the car?"

Sigh

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👤︎ u/sloona
📅︎ Feb 24 2015
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Dad joke vs Rush Hour

Takes from a WhatsApp group chat-

Mum: Running late bus has broken down on the motorway.

Dad: You should have taken the car.

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👤︎ u/redhood84
📅︎ Jul 21 2017
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Got my mum with this French one

We're driving on the French motorway and my mum says: "We're just coming up to payage" Me: "Who's arge?"

Next time she remembered to say 'a payage' to prevent me from repeating it :(

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👤︎ u/lukewizzy
📅︎ Apr 12 2015
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I hope this doesn't make anyone sour!

A friend and I are driving along the motorway and I note about how tall a Hovis (bread bakers) lorry is.
Friend poses the question "I wonder why they need such a tall lorry?"
Without pausing I answer "Because bread rises!"

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📅︎ Feb 26 2014
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Shaving

Back when I was in my teen years and had just started having to shaving my dad would always joke about. It whenever we where out driving on the motorway going: Allan did you shave today? knowing I hadn't. Me: no, why? Dad: Well just stick your head out the window and get a quick shave then!

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👤︎ u/ASandland
📅︎ Oct 22 2013
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