Why is the bartender always motivated?

They hear everyone say, "That's the spirit!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Cop 1: This murder seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime. That’s why I became a cop.

πŸ‘︎ 166
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Trying to find motivation and engage with research of what motivated people in the post-Bronze Age to engage in building double-storey dwellings...

Irony on two many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when employees get motivated

They quit

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aniket_77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If you hate being motivated, are you motive hating?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIvyX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Now that’s an auto motive
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaSuperior
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Yes we all KHAN
πŸ‘︎ 337
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A motivational poster I made...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stunnyfuff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A Motivational speaker talked about his father that died after having a coma.

I blurted out " i guess that comma became a full stop" My friends all laughed Not the teachers though.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarenCasseroles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
motivating an answer
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieG4mer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the blood type of a motivational speaker?

B +

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyalT663
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the motivational electrician's motto?

If you can dream it, you conduit.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimmijangas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Motivational
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bantheif
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no cats on mars?

Curiosity killed them all.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a motivation conference and the speaker asked the audience, "What drives you?"

I put my hand up and answered, "My car."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy Mexican jump on the train?

He had a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nereothefinest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?

Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftClickMadness
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?

A: Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?

B: No, what was the trip for?

A: To see his wife. It was a Yoko motive.

(original)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmkay_then
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the active ingredient in self raising flour?

Initiative

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BorgClanZulu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you motivate a tropical bird?

You go and tell him if I can, tucan!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A loco motive
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?

He has loco-motives

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a motivational manatee pun

Or alternatively a happy birthday manatee pun? Anyone?

Edit: pic here http://imgur.com/BPGZ47F

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/retallicka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Said something motivational before this and I sprung into action.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tacotimothyp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
People are saying that my motive is crazy

But I just call it a locomotive

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/casecanredd
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If a ghost was a motivational speaker, what would his slogan be?

If you knew better, you’d boo better.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheThurmanator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What motivates people to work out in Southeast Asia?

Eye of the Thai girl.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How do chickens motivate their kids?

They egg 'em on

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lifelonglifter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Railway companies must be nuts.

After all, they have loco-motives.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wontonnoodles98
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend made a pretty punny video :)

https://youtu.be/vFI1k8P0aH0

Comment to give her sum motivation to continue :) ...but only if you want too :))

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/getraxx2020
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What I saw at the local butcher
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgeorge443
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"

The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm." Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.

The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.

So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice. Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"

"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one," he says, "you have to find the Logger-rhythm."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximusMatrix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Motivational speaker
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Found guilty on all charges, the train couldn't rationalize his off-the-wall behavior.

It was a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Thanks for the motivation, Dad.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pansymarks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
🚨︎ report
I recently found out that my spanish friend killed his cousin because he stole his train model.

Guess it is a pretty loco motive

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Michael428
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you motivate a nose?

You inscentivize it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedHawk_88
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Local punster attempts motivating significant other with puns
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
For motivation, my friend buys a new rug every day

His motto is β€˜carpet diem’

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I made one of those motivational posters

https://i.imgur.com/n9VMH93.png

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/istrebitjel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do chickens motivate their kids?

They egg'em on.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darksareth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Which blood type do motivational speakers have?

B Positive.

πŸ‘︎ 187
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cbb12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy guy steal a train?

He just had a loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxAvery
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.