I went to a motivation conference and the speaker asked the audience, "What drives you?"

I put my hand up and answered, "My car."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Trying to find motivation and engage with research of what motivated people in the post-Bronze Age to engage in building double-storey dwellings...

Irony on two many levels.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Thanks for the motivation, Dad.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pansymarks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2013
🚨︎ report
For motivation, my friend buys a new rug every day

His motto is β€˜carpet diem’

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/onejdc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Thanks for the motivation, Dad.

http://i.imgur.com/MBvyFNm.jpg

πŸ‘οΈŽ 60
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vaila88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Why is the bartender always motivated?

They hear everyone say, "That's the spirit!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Now that’s an auto motive
πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaSuperior
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.

He had loco-motives

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigscarydaniel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
If Emily gets depantsed in front of her friends...

She’s em-bare-assed on 2 levels

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RotaryPhoneDialer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Yes we all KHAN
πŸ‘οΈŽ 335
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A motivational poster I made...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Stunnyfuff
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
motivating an answer
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZombieG4mer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A Motivational speaker talked about his father that died after having a coma.

I blurted out " i guess that comma became a full stop" My friends all laughed Not the teachers though.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DarenCasseroles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crazy reason for robbing a train?

A loco motive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the blood type of a motivational speaker?

B +

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RoyalT663
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the motivational electrician's motto?

If you can dream it, you conduit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jimmijangas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Motivational
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bantheif
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no cats on mars?

Curiosity killed them all.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drakeisalreadyinuse
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the active ingredient in self raising flour?

Initiative

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BorgClanZulu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A loco motive
πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheRealTilliamWell
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you motivate a tropical bird?

You go and tell him if I can, tucan!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I need a motivational manatee pun

Or alternatively a happy birthday manatee pun? Anyone?

Edit: pic here http://imgur.com/BPGZ47F

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/retallicka
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Said something motivational before this and I sprung into action.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tacotimothyp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?

A: Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?

B: No, what was the trip for?

A: To see his wife. It was a Yoko motive.

(original)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mmkay_then
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?

Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LeftClickMadness
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
People are saying that my motive is crazy

But I just call it a locomotive

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/casecanredd
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What I saw at the local butcher
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kgeorge443
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If a ghost was a motivational speaker, what would his slogan be?

If you knew better, you’d boo better.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheThurmanator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What motivates people to work out in Southeast Asia?

Eye of the Thai girl.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How do chickens motivate their kids?

They egg 'em on

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lifelonglifter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Motivational speaker
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when employees get motivated

They quit

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Aniket_77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?

He has loco-motives

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Insideoutinvertdpeen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend made a pretty punny video :)

https://youtu.be/vFI1k8P0aH0

Comment to give her sum motivation to continue :) ...but only if you want too :))

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/getraxx2020
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Local punster attempts motivating significant other with puns
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you motivate a nose?

You inscentivize it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedHawk_88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Railway companies must be nuts.

After all, they have loco-motives.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wontonnoodles98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Found guilty on all charges, the train couldn't rationalize his off-the-wall behavior.

It was a loco motive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently found out that my spanish friend killed his cousin because he stole his train model.

Guess it is a pretty loco motive

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Michael428
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Cop 1: This murder seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime. That’s why I became a cop.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 165
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HornyBastard37484739
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the crazy Mexican jump on the train?

He had a loco motive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 103
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nereothefinest
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How do chickens motivate their kids?

They egg'em on.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Darksareth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Which blood type do motivational speakers have?

B Positive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 192
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cbb12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2016
🚨︎ report

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