The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_true_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Hey, German speakers. What do Germans call Mayor McCheese?

BΓΌrgermeister!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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The mayor of Jaws is the same mayor in Jaws 2.

Goes to show that it’s important to vote in elections.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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A rooster is running for mayor

He’s not a bad politchicken... πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:

"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snaaaaaaaaaake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What is a mayor's favorite food?

Mayornnaise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrewy211
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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My town recently elected a horse as Mayor, and I’m worried nothing will get done around here

He keeps voting Nay

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πŸ‘€︎ u/isarealboy13
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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The mayor of our town has begun construction of all new sidewalks.

It’s nice to see a politician make good on a concrete policy proposal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayneonthecobb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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I went to a fund raiser for dolphins recently. Since it was Florida, canopies protected the participants from the sun. The mayor got up to speak.

He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."

Something like that might be a good joke... someday...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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who's the mayor of the ball?

Sir Cumference

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aliceinwaterland
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What did the Seattle mayor say when he banned straws?

Alright everybody, this is the last straw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brotworst3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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Some say that a young mayor from the heartland can't win the Democratic presidential nomination. Others say it's possible.

Who's right? You Buttigieg.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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The mayor of Saint Paul passed a law banning large soft drinks.

Now if you want one you have to get a Minnesota

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hopelessnerd-exe
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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So, I asked my Mayor for a Key to the City...

but he said it would be anarkey to give it away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HSGames2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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x-post from r/ottawa: our Mayor has the dadjokes.

Recently e-cigs/vapes have been banned on city property and public transit.

Screenshot from Twitter: http://imgur.com/40Sq0qK

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starfishtrooper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Our city has a very indecisive mayor...

I like to call him Mayor May Not

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epiritus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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What did Mayor McCheese do before he was mayor?

He was a roll model.

My dad has never been prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesillymuffin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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What does a presidential candidate who cant get his votes up suffer from?

Electile dysfunction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/portleycrue12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Not to get all political in this sub, but...

Did you guys know that the guy who was recently pepper sprayed by Portland's mayor is a big dairy heir?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DieFlavourMouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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My son told me he loved my cooking very much.

I asked if he'd vote for me if I ran for gour-mayor of our town.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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What do you call a robotic boy that delivers messages?

E-male.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twillo_11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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There’s a ghost that exclusively haunts city hall in the evening...

He’s a Night Mayor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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The guy running my town is awful. He doesn’t respond to phone calls because he only works after dark.

He’s a total night mayor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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Moral of the story: living well is the best revenge

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well on the outskirts of the town. One morning, a woman went to the well to fetch water for the day. The lady was crying and the well heard this. A voice came from the well and asked β€œwhat’s wrong?”

The lady stopped sobbing and asked the well, in utter disbelief, β€œyou can talk?”

β€œYes” the well said, β€œlong ago, the witch living in this town gave life to me so I could protect the towns people”

β€œAlas” the woman said, β€œI am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the town for many years, but the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the townspeople up against her. The town burnt my mom at the stake! I am still young and do not know much magic. I tried to curse the town, but failed, and now I fear I may never avenge my mother.”

β€œDo not be afraid” the well said, β€œI will take care of this.”

The next morning the mayor was going to the well to fetch water when he heard an odd noise. He peered over the edge to look down as far as he could when an impossibly long arm shot up at him. The arm grabbed the mayor and dragged him down into the depths of the well. There was a horrible crunching sound and the mayor was never seen again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter and everyone lived happily ever after.

See moral above for the pun...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManGood2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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Wife: "Let's keep her name private until she's born."

"I think that I prefer the name 'corporal', instead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vogon_lyricist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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What do they call the town leader who can't make a decision?

Mayor Maynot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soxman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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My friend owns a mall (long)

I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.

My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.

Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tended to be uber-conservative). The couple came over to the cart and admired the flowers; they tried to purchase a bouquet, but the friars refused to sell to them. The couple was outraged and went to see Hugh directly. They complained to him that the friars were being discriminatory, so Hugh promised to have a talk with the friars. When Hugh confronted the friars, they refused to sell to the couple on the grounds that β€œthey were committing an atrocity in the eyes of the lord.” The couple stormed off and promised to boycott the cart.

This past weekend, the couple came back with a large group and a letter from the mayor, saying that the friars had to sell to them, regardless of sexual preference. The friars stood firm and refused to sell to them, so the group started a protest. They brought in signs and started chanting around the cart. The friars continued to sell their flowers and Hugh allowed them to remain, so eventually the protest began to boycott the mall, rather than just the cart.

By today, the mall had lost 50% of its normal weekend revenue. The group sent a letter to Hugh saying that they could forgive him if he shut down the flower cart within the week. Hugh was pretty broken up, but he had no choice. To maintain his livelihood, he would have to kick the friars out of his store. He talked with the friars this morning and revoked their previous agreement. The friars had their cart packed and left by 7:30, to huge cheers from the community. The mall has been pretty norm

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_pugsley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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The city council wanted to install a new traffic light at the busy intersection

They just needed the mayor to green light the project

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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What did they say to force the city's leader to take a vacation?

This mayor may not work...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrsmitchell727
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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Dad pulled this one while watching the news

News story coming on about Rob Ford

Mum: "Turn it up, I want to watch this thing about the Toronto Mayor"

Sister: "About the what?"

Dad: "About Rob Ford, apparently he's a real night-mayor"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/metalbassist33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2013
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My dad thinks he's hilarious

In regards to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the cocaine and drunken stupor scandal...

My dad: "Rob's Ford should be recalled"

slow clap

Edit: spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prettyflie164
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2013
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Dad jokes....must be a guy thing.

http://i.imgur.com/gjGiE7n.png

For those too lazy to click:
Dad posts a picture on my Facebook timeline that says, "MADISON NGUYEN FOR SAN JOSE MAYOR." His caption reads, "If Madison takes the election, it will be a Nguyen-win situation."
Sister comments: "Ugh."
Mom comments: "Double ugh!!!"
I comment: "Nguyen pho mayor!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
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I asked my dad if he had heard about the conspiracy theories surrounding the Denver Airport...this was his response.

My dad was picking me up at the airport yesterday. I had just flown in from Denver. After reading an article on reddit, I paid more attention to the apocalyptic artwork around the airport, and decided to ask my dad if he had heard of any conspiracy theories.

DAD: Wouldn't surprise me if that were true, what with all the scandal surrounding Mayor PeΓ±a.
ME: Who was that?
DAD: He was the mayor of Denver for a long time. They named the street PeΓ±a Boulevard after him even! It's crazy. I heard they even wanted to name town hall after him.
ME: But they didn't because of a scandal...?
DAD: Nah. They just felt weird naming it the "Hall of PeΓ±a". Get it, JalapeΓ±o?
ME: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlesunnymay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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