What do you call a computer belonging to a compulsive masturbator?

A fap-top

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chebalebs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time?

A weedwacker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenIISD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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i’m giving up masturbating for an entire month

sorry, poor punctuation.

i’m giving up! masturbating for an entire month.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mferrari24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."

"I'm over here dad." He replied.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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I have a masturbation addiction....

But I'm beating it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion.

I said, β€œHoney, it’s not what it looks like!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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My girlfriend thanked me for the videos I sent her from my masturbation session.

The pleasure was all mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogOnALeash
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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I once had an addiction to masturbation...

But I finally beat it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yikesomalley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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What do you call a cow that masturbates?

Beef Strokin-off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malant12321
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Yknow what lotion I use when I masturbate?

Jerkins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SummerDearest
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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A whale is masturbating. His sperm shoots out and thanks him.

He replies " You're whale cum!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poogart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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If masturbation was a sport...

I'd come first

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypermads2003
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Masturbating to art
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditaccount-3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.

I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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So a man goes to the doctor and the doctor tells he needs to stop masturbating, the man asks why

The doctor replies "because I'm trying to examine you!"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet?

Or are we still just washing our hands?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hirsty19784
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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I don't know how I feel about masturbation anymore.

On one hand, it's pretty good. On the other hand, it's a little awkward.

EDIT: from https://jokeriot.com

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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My friend confessed to me that he masturbates with his feet.

I told him he needed to get help.

Things had obviously gotten out of hand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWACS-Thunderhead
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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what do you call a man who cries when he masturbates?

a Tearjerker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnwaynedahmer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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What do you call a bunch of cows masturbating in a field?

Beef strokinoff

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfdng
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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My SO confessed to masturbating alone instead of seeking out sex with me.

Didn't see that one coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Loni4ever
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...

I guess the pervert thinks of them as sex cymbals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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I heard some people masturbate with their left hands, so I tried it for myself.

It didn't feel right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salty-Taco69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Masturbation addiction is a viscous cycle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneBelcherFan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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A man was masturbating, when the blood was suddenly cut off to his brain...

...he was having a stroke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luko_the_meme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex, is it fair to say

His addiction got out of hand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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A woman calls her husband's doctor...

A woman calls her husband's doctor. Β "Did you really tell my husband he could masturbate whenever he wanted?"

"No ma'am, I told him he could have a stroke at any time."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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The knight had many standing positions for masturbating to chose from

Depending on the circumstances

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I’m torn on my opinion of masturbation

I mean, on one hand it feels good....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onisarcade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Masturbation...

Its a touchy subject

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WazzleZazzle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Procrastination and Masturbation are very similar..

They both feel good in the moment and afterwards you’re picking up after yourself.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef strokin-off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BranfordJeff2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huhmanrawx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: You need to stop masturbating, sir

Me: Why?

Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you.

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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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What do you call cattle masturbating?

Beef Stroganoff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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What do call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Childs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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I tried to quit masturbation, but I couldn't...because on one hand, it feels good...ο»Ώ
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xorflame
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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