There’s tons of liquidity in this market
πŸ‘︎ 378
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Why didn't Aladdin buy anything at the Arabian market?

It was too bazaar.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran over a nail and popped my tire when my wife and I left the farmers market.

I should have bought asparagus.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I proposed to my girlfriend, who is the VP of marketing at her company.

I got zero engagement.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend asked why the stock market is closed this Friday. I looked at him, shook my head and said...

Jesus!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I were just touring the farmer’s market - she said one of the tables had some red hot chilli peppers, and asked if I wanted some.

I said, only if they’re givin’ β€˜em away, givin’ β€˜em away, givin’ β€˜em away now.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ARCdotcom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I just called GameStop Customer Service...

They asked me to please Hold. πŸ’ŽπŸ€²

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myfourthuser04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the lettuce farmer who was murdered on his way to the farmers' market?

They found his romaines at the scene of the crime.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JakeIsTheEnemy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the bored guy walk to the fish market.

Just for the halibut.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reduxde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A very bare market
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartianGlassner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn't impressed with the ketchup manufacturer's market research.

They had terrible sauces.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JinTaisa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I made a FORTUNE in the stock market.

I walked in and stole some guy's Rolex.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is being a sleep analyst considered one of the toughest jobs in the market?

You work with your eyes closed

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacenerdgasms
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Marketing level!
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AromaticAd9528
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A son enthusiastically asks his father will he teach him how to gamble on the black market

The Father responds with: β€œYou bet your ass!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?

Investigator

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
They told me not to invest in the stock market..

But now I have bullions!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did people loose so much money in derivative products and markets.

Because they had no option.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saswata1194
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Just heard there is a geezer down the market selling Oxford vaccination for Β£2 each

Or 3 for a Pfizer

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenPeanut97
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...

...she was a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hover-lovecraft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
so anyway im switching my major to marketing...

just a few hours ago my brother was talking about buying cinnamon rolls from his english teacher who bakes and sells it on instagram as a side hustle and i said IF SHES AN ENGLISH TEACHER SHE SHOULD CALL THEM SYNONYM ROLLS and honestly im super proud

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacksonCM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me why I keep bring my sled to places like yard sales and the flea market

I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canyuse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.

Her: What can I do for you?

Me: I'm looking for a date.

Her: Oh, what kind of dates?

Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gliscor_dude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife didn’t like my idea to market a line of belts with little clocks built into the buckle.

She said it was a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DingoWelsch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call finding cheap eyeballs on the black market

Ideal

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dickfingersjr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats the worst crime to occur at a fish market?

Getting battered

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TL4Life
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.

"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catillionaire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Market research.
πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...

...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man can fly

So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.

I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the Dalai Lama love to play the stock market?

He loves Tibet.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why’s Tesla so expensive?

Because they charge a lot

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDistrict1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks

I want to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 384
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, I asked who left their cold-smoked herrings on the ground at the market but no one answered.

Well, finders kippers.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wilackan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man selling bicycle parts?

He went into the market to peddle his wares.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..

.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The stock market is confusing for me but

It makes cents for someone else

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Coronavirus having a devastating impact on the stock market
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falafel_hotdog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
We went to a new market today for the first time. Dad was very impressed.

He said, β€œYou’re telling me a flea runs this market?!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMikeLeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went down to the seafood market, but I didn't trust the employees there.

They seemed a little fishy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Craftninja7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I got kicked out of the Farmer’s Market today.

I was disturbing the peas.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Corona is taking "viral marketing" too literally

The new campaign is a killer

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
While shopping my wife stopped in the make-up section to buy concealer but couldn’t find any.

I now understand why she said it’s the best product on the market.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cigarandcreamsoda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Where is corn sold?

The Stalk Market

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broke_Gam3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Had some friends over and they were telling me they are in the market for a new telescope...

I told them β€œ be carful telescope salesmen can see you coming a mile away!”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalfBakedPotato84
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Just heard there's a guy down Borough market selling Oxford vaccinations for Β£2 each...

Or 3 for a Pfizer!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samuelh1996_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report

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