My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I managed to do 60 push-ups this morning
I managed to catch all the Pokemon listed under M in the Pokédex
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain
Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.
What do you say to applaud the vermin that managed to escape the breakfast porridge?
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife
My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!
I managed to manufacture a playable vinyl disc in 2 mins
I played monopoly with my family last night and managed to capture every railroad
Everybody thought the game was a real trainwreck
My local council has managed to legislate a ban on all headgear
Hats off to them for getting that passed
We were cleaning out our closets today and my wife forgot the code to her luggage, but luckily, I managed to figure it out. I looked her and gloated proudly...
"Well, I guess you can say...I solved the case!!"
Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!!
I asked my dad how he managed to stop a bad trip.
The other day, I asked my friend how he managed to get out of Iraq.
I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
I finally managed to genetically combine the number 6 with the letter S.
My experiment was a complete six-s!
The town's sheriff, who was also a prolific painter, was once attacked by seven men but managed to fight them off single-handedly. It was because....
Managed to eat over a foot of french bread.
Guess my appetite wasn't loafing around
Some filmmakers were secretly trying to murder the lead actor in a low-budget flick, but he got wind of the plot and managed to escape. They took the existing footage and shopped it to different producers, but it was roundly rejected by everyone for the same reason.
I tried to steal some garments and a sweet substance, but only managed to get one of them.
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.
I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.
I managed to get this one in on r/rimworld pretty proud of myself
Bigfoot has managed to evade capture all this time despite his popularity.
Managed to bake something on my first try.
On my first day as undertaker, I managed to drop the coffin as I was loading it onto the car.
My boss was supportive and told me I just had to rehearse it.
A rancher with only 95 cattle managed to get 100 into the pen.
All he had to do was round them up.
Did you know a scientist studying pigeon sounds managed to single handedly dismantle a dictator's regime?
It was all thanks to his coo data.
My girlfriend managed to dadjoke me
We were Skyping, and I was trying to figure out the delay between the audio and the video. I said "ping", as I often do when this issue occurs, and she replies "ping" back to signal when she heard me. Sometimes, when she doesn't do it the first time, it gets confusing and I don't know which one she is responding to.
So I switched my word to "taco" in the hopes that it'd break the cycle. No go. She goofed it again.
When I said "I give up", she said "Wait! Let's taco 'bout this."
I love that girl.
My teenager took his driving test today and managed to get 8 out of 10.
The remaining 2 jumped out of the way.
I have have managed to save $10 towards a large sack of raisins.
It's in my current account.
I was tuning a guitar. While doing this one of the stings snapped in half perfectly. I took one half and stretched It out. I managed to get it on. One problem though. As soon as I played it shot straight to the ceiling.
I’d never heard or seen such a high note.
Has anyone seen my glasses. I've managed to loose sight of them.
My buddy said he threw a stick five miles and his dog managed to find it and bring it back...
Wish me luck in the London Marathon today. I managed a respectable, 3 hours, 12 minutes, last year...
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
After years of rigorous scientific research, I've finally managed to make an identical clone of myself!
I thought I managed to convince my wife that Feng Shui was not for us.
But when I got home, the tables were turned.
Did you guys hear about the man that walked into a convenience store naked, balancing on the rounded parts of his feet near the base of his toes, juggling 3 globes, and somehow managed to rob the place?
I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.
But then won it all back on the ATM machine.
Russia managed to win the first match of the World Cup after Putin a lot of effort.
I almost managed to recruit money for my slippers factory...
...but the investors got cold feet
I had an argument with a cape, but I managed to put it behind me.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
My wife forgot the code to her luggage, but I managed to figure it out.
You can say.... I solved the case.
My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
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