Loosened Puns

Hi. My name is DAK. A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says “sorry sir we don’t serve string here”. He then proceeds to tie him into a knot and throw in outside. Whilst outside, a pack of feral canines attack the piece of string until his fibers are loosened in a disheveled manner. The piece of string them proceeds to re enter the bar in need of medical assistance. “Hey, aren’t you the string I just threw out?” Asks the bartender. “No sir,” replies the string, “I’m a frayed knot”

She dug, "You do! For goodness sake, loosen your belt, it's disgusting!"

To loosen up.

...and accidentally hit a curb going around a corner. Since then, any time he loosens his grip on the steering wheel, his car drifts to the right. Knowing he needed to have it serviced anyway, Fred goes to the local dealership to figure out what's going on. At the service desk, Fred talks to the manager about how his steering wheel is acting funny.

Service manager: "Oh, that's pretty common. You just need an alignment."

Puzzled, Fred asks, "What's wrong with it that an alignment can fix?"

Ushering Fred over to his car, the service manager answers, "It's pretty obvious, actually. If you look right there, your front driver-side wheel has too much toe."

There is an impossible knot in my dog's leash. As I grabbed it to walk the dog I noticed it was no longer there.

Me: Wow you got the knot out! Her: Yup I had to use a screwdriver to loosen it.

I leash up my pup, walk out the door and close it. Suddenly it hits me and I scramble for my keys and I hold up the leash as I burst the door open with a big smile on my face.

Me: It was knot expected! A short pause as figures out what is going on. Her: GET OUT OF HERE!

I spent the whole dog walk giggling to myself.