I was sitting at a red light with my family, when all of a sudden I said "Look, son! A super hero!"

It was the Green Arrow.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't look at the title
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/l_Lick_Hands
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a tattoo parlour holding a small bird in his hands. The tattoo artist looks at him, confused.

The man asked, "Tit for tat?"

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ehhzuulaaa
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
The guy at my workplace whose haircut looks like a mushroom got fired today

Too bad he was a FUNGI

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnasf1
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. β€œHow much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. β€œNothing” I slurred. β€œLook at me!” she shouted. β€œIt’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, β€œIt’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What causes that vague feeling of unease when you look at an anthropomorphic salad?

The uncanny Hidden Valley effect.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
"Look at that flock of cows"

"Herd of cows"

"Course I have, I go there every year for the regatta"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/widmerpool_nz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Look at defense!
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmylathen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
How many times in a day can you look at a clock?

All of them!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
As a chemistry teacher, someone asked me during one of my labs if I look at memes.

β€œPeriodically,” I said

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheComicSocks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Sherlock Holmes looks at Doctor Watson and says:

"Watson, how come your first name is Doctor?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Jesus Christ would you look at the time
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mighty_Lord6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
One look at medusa can get one rock hard
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geekfreshier
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My Dad showed me a picture of him at a REM concert "Look" he said.

That's me in the corner...

EDIT. Sorry that was just a dream

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Who looks at the ceiling and cheers?

Ceiling fans.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patchoulius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes

"I artichoke you for that"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
LOOK AT MY GOD DAMN PUN
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toddsiegrist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I keep trying to look at my child Adam,

But I keep getting the son in my eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeskiePete
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens to an egg every time you look at it?

It becomes egg sighted

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hamadaeleleimy
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.

I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...

Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"

So I say, "It's been training"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Look at this good managing!
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/absolutespaghett
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?

Aurora Borealis

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Look at this lion ass
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdhero7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh sheet.. look at my S!
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HovadoMoravske
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"

After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
LOOK AT HOW MANY MATCHES I HAVE
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/o_gui_blindao
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a documentary film about people who look for deals at thrift stores.

It's called Goodwill Hunting.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens if you don't look at things from the right angle?

You might find find yourself looking at a slippery slope.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a British person takes a good long look at something?

A propaganda

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nshah0703
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Look at Aldis
πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anonistoner420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Would you take a look at her rack
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Will you hurt your eyes if you look at the stars for too long?

This is a Sirius question.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nokiacrusher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Look at that Dalmatian there in the distance!

-Well spotted!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the dentist the other day. He took one look at my teeth and said he needed to do an impression.

To be honest, his Sinatra wasn't that bad.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GodNamedBob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want some historical examples of excellent kissers, look at Bonnie and Clyde.

They made out like bandits.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called When a midget looks at you and happily starts waving his hand.......

It's called a Microwave.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Nothing says "oH lOoK aT mE" like someone playing a tuba.

Fucking attention horns.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buffaloshnit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey, look at that flock of cows!"

"Herd."

"What?"

"Herd of cows."

"Of course I've heard of cows, there's a flock of them right there!"

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. β€œHow much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. β€œNothing” I slurred. β€œLook at me!” she shouted. β€œIt’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”

I paused for a second while I thought and said, β€œIt’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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