The trailer looks so good
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
I was sitting at a red light with my family, when all of a sudden I said "Look, son! A super hero!"
What do you call two octopuses that look the same?
A man walks into a tattoo parlour holding a small bird in his hands. The tattoo artist looks at him, confused.
The man asked, "Tit for tat?"
Whoever thought it was a good idea to make a lower case L and and upper case i look the same must have been Ill.
The guy at my workplace whose haircut looks like a mushroom got fired today
Yesterday, my wife asked me "How do I look?"
I replied "Oh that's easy, you just use your eyes."
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
I told my son, look the church has locked up the door and turned off their lights. He said, what's that got to do with anything? I said well,...
What causes that vague feeling of unease when you look at an anthropomorphic salad?
The uncanny Hidden Valley effect.
My dentist looks like my eye doctor
After getting back from the beach, my daughter said, “Hey, look! I’m tan from the sun!”
I shook her hand. “It’s very nice to meet you! I’m Dad from Earth.”
"Look at that flock of cows"
"Herd of cows"
"Course I have, I go there every year for the regatta"
You see a boat filled with people, but when you look closer you don't find a single person in it. Why?
Because everyone is married.
He looks like he is dilling drugs
Looks like one of the guys left
Always the last place you look
My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...
... because I'm a smart a**
Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course.
Looks like that T has never made its debut
My friend: "do you know him?" Me: "No, but he looks like a Luke"
My friend: " That was close! He is Luke with an F, but how did you know?"
Me: "It was just a Fluke"
How many times in a day can you look at a clock?
I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.
What do you call a potato that looks like a penis?
I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
Thanks for the silver ❤️
My wife: I just got this new pair of glasses. How do I look?
Me: As always, I recommend using your eyes.
T-Rex: Look, honey... I think you should come to New York with me.
I can’t see you if you don’t move.
My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
Plague doctors their masks kinda look like birds
I guess that's why they call them quacks
As a chemistry teacher, someone asked me during one of my labs if I look at memes.
An elderly inventor was becoming depressed with his life: his hearing was failing, his wife was always nagging him, he hadn't invented anything good in years, and his former good looks had been replaced by wrinkles and sagging skin.
He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.
His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then asks "What on earth is this thing, and how this supposed to help your depression?".
"Honey, the doctor told me working on this should have me feeling better in no time!" replies the man. He then proceeds to describe in detail how the machine cracks eggs, steams them, and flips them out onto a plate in under a minute, all at the touch of a button.
"But what on earth does this have to do with your depression? What did that quack doctor tell you to do?" asks the wife
The man replies: "He told me to work on my self egg-steam".
Wonder how Gin Morrison would look like!
What looks like red paint and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
Dont hate me its cakeday
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
Juggling looks fun.
But I don't have the balls for it.
One look at medusa can get one rock hard
Jesus Christ would you look at the time
My Dad showed me a picture of him at a REM concert "Look" he said.
That's me in the corner...
EDIT. Sorry that was just a dream
Who looks at the ceiling and cheers?
So I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. She looks like my mum, sounds like my mum, even dresses like my mum..
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
